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Thursday, August 14, 2014

SHE Confession #9: Broken

He once loved me intensely.  As a result of that love a jealousy and fear grew within me.  I always knew I never wanted to feel what it would be like to be without his love… I knew I would shatter to pieces if I ever discovered he loved another as or more intensely than he loved me.  I knew there were others and though it thoroughly pissed me off, I knew they were not me so I weathered through it.  I knew their exchanges didn't measure up to a tenth of the love we had between us. That all changed the day I discovered her existence.

She was the one that set everything in motion.  She changed us for good. She changed our bond, our love, our marriage and our family permanently.  She affected us in ways that I can’t even begin to express.  She had impeccable timing that became his everything, all that he looked forward to.  Until this very day I wonder if they know the magnitude and the devastation they caused….most likely not. I’m sure she couldn't have given even one single damn.

She was the one he now called with excitement when it used to be me.  She was the one that motivated him to make frequent trips to the corner store (so he could freely answer her missed calls).  She motivated him to return to our marriage bed just before dawn and sometimes not at all.  Over time I began to see the extra effort he was making in his appearance for her that he once made for me.

Their need for each other although a complete bliss for them, started a deterioration within me.  I allowed their nascent romance to rob me of my aspirations and my dreams.  He was so embedded within me that without him I now felt so broken.  I no longer wanted anything to do with what reminded me of them, even if that meant him too. Our home became a cold reminder of what was, what could be but, now isn't. It became an emotive prison and I wanted out.

I became so emotionally weak but, my heart became hardened.  To him and everyone else I appeared bitter, stubborn and strong willed. Inside I was dying and trying so hard not to breakdown.  I allowed their actions to strip my self-worth, self-respect and confidence.  A once self-assured woman now diffident and weak. Alone I remain for no one could ever be him to me, no one could ever be us.  It’s been well over seven years now and broken I remain.

33 comments:

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  3. "Alone I remain for no one could ever be him to me."

    After seven years? Really? With over 6 billion people in the world, what makes you so sure there isn't someone much better out there just waiting for you! Why hyper-fixate on one who doesn't love you back? Get back out there and get in the game girl. Life is too short for self pity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was extremely rude.

      Delete
  4. I understand where your heart is coming from.. I had mine ripped from me as well. I wrote on my blog about self-help advice.. perhaps you would like to take a look at it? http://www.varietyblogger.com/self-help-advice-varietyblogger/

    You might learn something, who knows. You can't dwell in the past for too long. You already know you're ruined, so thats a start

    ReplyDelete
  5. I suggest everybody stop keeping these problems inside and speak with professionals. I was surprised how effective it is. My life coach gives me a lot of good advises and more - he gives me action plan, that helps very much.
    Here is link for his group: https://www.facebook.com/LIN.lifeisnice
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  6. Passion will indeed evaporate if one chokes the other.
    Find your voice & your strength never giving it away again.

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    Shanondawnlifecoach@gmail.com

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  7. This is a very interesting thing it is very helpful your mind and health

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  8. its is a very important website for mind refreshing.so please visit
    consciouscouplingthebook.com

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  9. Cool confession, pathetic though!

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  10. There are plenty of fishes in the sea he may not have been the guy for you maybe he belonged to some one else, don't worry the right guy is some where out there waiting for you waiting to love and cherish you, waiting to give you all that you never got from this guy just be patient in due time you will heal.

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  11. Oh dear, that sounded so sad. Seven years is a long time. It sounds like it is hard for you to let go but for your own sake it would be good. Get your own life back and on track. I hope it works out well for you.

    ReplyDelete
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  14. hello guys, today there will be lots of people get divorced due to many family issues! Marriage is one of the happiest thing in our life but many people will not live their life happily after marriage . Those will need to get counselling to solve their personal problems. there will be lots of companies will provide the paid advice to the couple, so, please try them for happy life. In my experience i refer you CONSCIOUS COUPLING! the Dana and Don provide counselling to the people and use their knowledge and expertise to save families and couples, for more details contact the following link.
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    1. for more detail contact the website

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  15. Great post! It is very informative..well done

    ReplyDelete
  16. Don't be so broken my dear friend, life has many ups and down but it must move on.
    On this blissful earth there are tremendous things to see , to feel , to experience , to do, to visit and by the grace of that infinite power we are here because of some reason , find that reason try to fulfill it, believe in yourself , you are the best and try to prove it.

    Don't get struck at only one point in your life, be happy ,be alive , enjoy life.

    Love yourself.

    Take care.

    http://www.consciouscouplingthebook.com/

    ReplyDelete
  17. I agree with others who have said that seven years is a long time.

    I would recommend opening up to others as sharing a problem like this really can help.

    But please don’t continue living your life like this.

    There is a whole world out there waiting for you!

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  18. Moving on is not easy. Sometimes accepting that we have to move on sounds easy theoretically but practically it s very difficult. However seven years is very long to continue punishing yourself forgive him not for his sake but for yours. As soon as you forgive him for this painful act it will not only free you you but soon you might be able to move on and put this mistake behind you.

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  19. We need to really and truthfully distinguish the truth of our relationships and what and if there are attachments due to our own lack in some way that keeps us tolerating the pain, what we have always known.. Is it built on the truth. Do you know who you are ?

    I found out who i am. Through the loving guiding support of my Spiritual Teacher. She made me realise that what i thought about her was not the truth but a subsitute of what i was lacking.

    My Teacher knew me better than i did. I moved on with a brand new outlook on myself and my relationships. I can actually say i am now truly happy for the first time in such a long time.

    Astara, my beautiful angel. Thank you for everything..

    If you need deep insight into whats holding you from happiness you really should check her out at www.askastara.com

    A Psychic, A Teacher, A friend xx

    ReplyDelete
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  21. Oh my goodness! I can't believe people are advocating spells which is witchcraft. How long before the "spell" is broken and the breakup happens all over again! If you love someone set then free, if they come back they're yours, if they don't they never were.

    ReplyDelete
  22. a lot of women went through such troubles. you are not alone. Just try to find faithful person for your safety while you are so sensitive https://www.solarmovie.ph/

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  23. My ex of 4 months broke up with me cause I texted him too much cause he wouldn’t answer me after not seeing each other for 3 weeks. His excuse is that he works 2 jobs. I got mad and told him i was done. The next day I tried calling him. And he texted me. Never text or call him again. I told him I was sorry. So I left him alone for a week. I texted him he answered. He said that he misses me but I’m too much all over him and he can’t handle that. I understand that I have no chance for get him back in normal way, and I decided to ask for help. I order love spell from website http://magical-rituals.com , I was waiting 3 months, and my lover back to me.

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  24. Hi, That must have really hurt that you decided not to couple for seven years. What have you decided about life now and how are you supporting that decision? I hope it's working well for you. Also I like your courage.

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  25. So sad to hear that,i could relate to what you saying, ending a Relationship is never something easy, i still have scars for my first love which was 9 years ago thats how badly love hurts and changes you.

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  26. I feel exactly the same right now. And I want to fight this feeling. It's not healthy. :(
    http://almost30andsingle.blogspot.com.tr/

    ReplyDelete
  27. Nice,, i'm commenting from www.romanticpie.com

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  28. I feel your pain as I have experienced this one before, and this is probably the worst feeling one can experience as you can't explain the pain. But the only difference is that the guy who left me and caused me so much pain a lot of times came back to me and is my other half now. I then believed that God moves in mysterious ways and I'm really thankful that he chose me and that I was able to forgive him. I believe that you will still be able to move on and continue with your life no matter how much pain you've been through. I have also found a relationship group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/relationshipquestions/) wherein you can post anything about your relationship or love problems and you can get advice from real people.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I think your discussion of capacity and expectation, while limited, is interesting and could be (somewhat) insightful into why many couples of any orientation fail to hold it together. Orientation misalignment isn't the only kind of friction that can cause these kinds of problems.
    Happy Marriage Life

    ReplyDelete

I would love to hear your take on SHE Versus HE.