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Friday, August 7, 2015

SHE Confession # 10: The Casual Contract

We must pay close attention to whom we share our intimate energy with. Sexual intimacy on this level intricately entwines the auric energies of both sexual partners. It creates a powerful exchange of energy between those involved.  These powerful connections, no matter how insignificant we think they are, leave spiritual debris upon the aura for a long time because they are not easily cleansed or balanced. ‘Casual sex’ with many partners can entwine the energies of all these people into your own aura as well, if they are not severed and cleansed properly. This type of cluttered aura can be felt by others. This explains the subtle energies we give off. A person who sleeps with multiple people carries around a confused aura. The longer and more intimate the contact with another person, the more powerful the interactions of the auric fields become and the harder it is for these connections to untangle and leave. - Author Unknown

I was single and desolate when I decided to enter a verbal contract. A contract that would require me to have a consensual, casual strings attached. My true nature would have never entertained the idea of such a relationship before but, as my loneliness rose to an all-time high, it began to impair my better judgement. To make matters worse, this forced celibate state I was in started to get the best of me. I longed for intimacy, that human connection with someone special. So as impatience moved in, I gave in.

There was no deceiving myself. I knew it wasn't the ultimate relationship that I had been holding out for. However, I coaxed myself into thinking it couldn't hurt. Hell, it was better than being alone, I thought. I told myself that I could do this. Stay focused, detached and simply enjoy his company. Be in the moment, while keeping my options open. It seemed like the perfect agreement while waiting for Mr. Ideal to show up and make his presence known. Things were fine at first. Our times together consisted of a mélange of intriguing conversation and intimacy. What had the makings of a brief fling suddenly had all the characteristics of a meaningful relationship. 

This was one of the dangers of being in such a sexy arrangement - that moment when a thin line comes into play. Where things go from being casual to feeling like a serious something. This is where the unthinkable happened... like a thief in the night, feelings emerged and I was then forced to realize my feelings for him. My gut told me he had feelings for me as well. My gut also said that although I am a committed relationship kind of girl, he will never be a committed relationship kind of guy and therein lies the problem.

How does one deal when the playing field suddenly changes? Do you try and renegotiate your arrangement? How does one even go about such a thing after setting such noncommittal ground rules? Do you sit down and try and discuss new terms under a new relationship contract or do you stop dead and center and walk away?  

As with most endeavors, there are a few lessons to be learned from this:

  • There is no such thing as just a casual relationship
  • Never allow your loneliness to lead you to settling
  • People are who they are and believe what they tell you

It is a lot harder to get someone out of your life than it is to let them in. So take your time and choose wisely.


  1. Great read. I learned so much with this.

  2. Sooner or later what is in darkness comes to light. I think one of the most unsettling feelings is carrying on in these kind of relationships knowing full well it will one day come to an end. Thanks for posting.

  3. Read this book to ensure you make the most out of your relationship and you don't settle for second best

  4. great post indeed, classic but still true, people often confuse LOVE and LUST. Better to stay alone when you have mixed emotions.

  5. Is it possible to maintain a relationship without creating feeling for the other person?
    What is a casual relationship?

  6. Being involve in an open relationship like this can be very complicated, especially when you've already fallen in love with the person. The worst part of all is that if that person does not feel the same way as you do. I have been into this kind of relationship wherein I had an intimate relationship with no strings attached. It's just casual and without verbal agreement. At first it was okay as I was enjoying his company and he'd call me if he needs me. Until one day, I realized that I'm already in love with him. I didn't know what to do and so I told him. I remember when I told him I love him, and all he said was "Thank you". It really cut me deep and I didn't know what to do. I was in pain and I chose to go away and moved on as I pity myself for what happened.
    Being in this kind of relationship can be very painful that's why we need to be sure and think plenty of times before involving ourselves into something that we don't actually know. There are lots of cases like this and you can also share your story in a relationship group called Relationship Questions ( to get advice from real people with similar stories and other stories that you could learn to.

    Best of luck!

  7. Be careful of jumping into a committed relationship right off the bat. It can be tempting to jump into a committed relationship quickly when you find someone you have a fiery connection with.When we’re in the “romantic” stages of the beginning of a relationship, we are often making choices out of lust and fantasy-like projections instead of reality and logic. It’s important to remain grounded and patient when deciding to be seriously committed to someone.

  8. Wow, I feel as though this was something I wrote . It seems that the more people I date, the more I am exposed to men that absolutely do not want any kind of commitment! It may be the age group that I am in (post divorce~ 40 something). I feel the like the dating pool is full of men who have just exited a relationship from hell and plan on steering well away from ANY form of "relationship" If you label it...they are gone! I on the other hand have learned from my mistakes and many years of marital bliss what I actually want in a relationship and a man, but it is nearly impossible to find one!
    Sooooo, I am forced (so to speak) to go outside my comfort zone and dive into the unknown of "friends with benefits" or straight up casual sex to try to find the intimacy and satisfaction that I can't find but crave. Of course me being me, it is nearly impossible to have an intimate connection without having feelings attached. I am getting better at separating sex and well...other feelings the more I do it. I like to fuel myself with all the pent up resentment from failed relationships and try to play the game through a mans mind. This way I am getting what I need when I need it while waiting for the potential of my next "perfect for me" partner.


  10. I Like your post. You have done really good work. Thank you for the information you provide, it helped me a lot.

  11. Thinking of getting a divorce?it is best to focus on your relationship before involving a divorce solicitor – is there any way of saving your marriage? Peter Cedeno


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