SHE Confession # 10: The Casual Contract

We must pay close attention to whom we share our intimate energy with. Sexual intimacy on this level intricately entwines the auric energies of both sexual partners. It creates a powerful exchange of energy between those involved.  These powerful connections, no matter how insignificant we think they are, leave spiritual debris upon the aura for a long time because they are not easily cleansed or balanced. ‘Casual sex’ with many partners can entwine the energies of all these people into your own aura as well, if they are not severed and cleansed properly. This type of cluttered aura can be felt by others. This explains the subtle energies we give off. A person who sleeps with multiple people carries around a confused aura. The longer and more intimate the contact with another person, the more powerful the interactions of the auric fields become and the harder it is for these connections to untangle and leave. - Author Unknown

I was single and desolate when I decided to enter a verbal contract. A contract that would require me to have a consensual, casual relationship....no strings attached. My true nature would have never entertained the idea of such a relationship before but, as my loneliness rose to an all-time high, it began to impair my better judgement. To make matters worse, this forced celibate state I was in started to get the best of me. I longed for intimacy, that human connection with someone special. So as impatience moved in, I gave in.

There was no deceiving myself. I knew it wasn't the ultimate relationship that I had been holding out for. However, I coaxed myself into thinking it couldn't hurt. Hell, it was better than being alone, I thought. I told myself that I could do this. Stay focused, detached and simply enjoy his company. Be in the moment, while keeping my options open. It seemed like the perfect agreement while waiting for Mr. Ideal to show up and make his presence known. Things were fine at first. Our times together consisted of a mélange of intriguing conversation and intimacy. What had the makings of a brief fling suddenly had all the characteristics of a meaningful relationship. 

This was one of the dangers of being in such a sexy arrangement - that moment when a thin line comes into play. Where things go from being casual to feeling like a serious something. This is where the unthinkable happened... like a thief in the night, feelings emerged and I was then forced to realize my feelings for him. My gut told me he had feelings for me as well. My gut also said that although I am a committed relationship kind of girl, he will never be a committed relationship kind of guy and therein lies the problem.

How does one deal when the playing field suddenly changes? Do you try and renegotiate your arrangement? How does one even go about such a thing after setting such noncommittal ground rules? Do you sit down and try and discuss new terms under a new relationship contract or do you stop dead and center and walk away?  

As with most endeavors, there are a few lessons to be learned from this:

• There is no such thing as just a casual relationship
• Never allow your loneliness to lead you to settling
• People are who they are and believe what they tell you

It is a lot harder to get someone out of your life than it is to let them in. So take your time and choose wisely.

Is Your Relationship a Deal Breaker?

Here's another great opportunity for you to hash out your relationship issues on T.V with the Author of "Think Like a Man" and host of The Steve Harvey Show based in Chicago. Even if you are not from Chicago area, if chosen you would be flown out with accommodations included so you can tell your story to Steve. 

Currently they are looking for women who are having problems in their relationships (hence why they reached to us). They are looking for women in long-term relationships that want to know if their man's behavior is really a deal breaker. Steve Harvey will sit down with you if you are selected and give you his honest advice from his perspective. If this sounds like something you would be interested in please contact Jasmine Stephen.

6 Ways to Successfully Work With Your Significant Other

Sustaining a loving relationship poses challenges of it's own, much less trying to maintain a working relationship with the one you love. Hear how Rachel manages to keep things flowing in her work/love relationship:

                               On Working With Your Significant Other

Jameson and I began writing songs together after we broke up. That might sound odd, but for us it made sense. Sure, we had grievances with one another, but that didn’t mean we should have to stop hanging out!

Since then, we've gotten back together and worked through some of those grievances. At the same time, our songwriting has morphed into a full-on start-up enterprise. However, learning how to work together and be together as a couple has been no small challenge. More than once, my housemates (i.e. my parents) have heard me stomping around my room in the midst of a full-on phone tantrum.

And yet, I feel like I’ve also learned a few things.

If you’re thinking of starting a business with your significant other, here are some tips:

1. Don’t tell them their ideas suck. Just because you’re comfortable with one another, doesn’t mean you can eschew common courtesy.

2. Separate work from play. Set specific times when you’re going to work and specific times when you’re going to hang out. Oh, and constantly checking work emails during hangout time defeats the purpose.

3. Control your emotions. If something happened outside of work, leave it there. Vent to your journal, if need be, then get over it. You can’t do good work if you’re annoyed.

4. Keep your priorities in check. What’s more important to you: the product you’re creating or the person you create it with?

5. Praise one another. Too often, we don’t praise gifted people because we’re certain they already know how great they are. Not true. We all need to be encouraged in our gifts, especially artists.

6. Say thank you. Because any endeavor requires both your gifts. Because there is a lot to do and you couldn't do it without them. – r. yellen 

Guest Blogger, Rachel Yellen is a co-writer/band mate of the band Windsor.

HE Confession #2: What SHE Needs to Realize

I was recently invited to join this fascinating group on Facebook called "Honest Announcements". This group is described as a forum for grown, mature members who want to share their life experiences with others. The topics we often touch on are about love, relationships and oh yes, sex! The moderator states that the average age group is over 30 so therefore the topics are best described as insightful, thought provoking and brutally honest. I have to say it has definitely been all of the before mentioned. While perusing through I found a "HE" perspective I thought I'd share.

WRITTEN BY A GUY : Girls need to realize: We guys don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it makes us mad. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there. We don't care if a guy calls;OR TEXT you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. That it can't wait till the morning. Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Yeah, you can quote me. Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood I'm in. Let us pay for you! don't 'feel bad' We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say 'thank you. Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed. You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for who you are and not what you are. Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up. Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily. Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don't talk about how hot Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful' i'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/cutie/sexy' or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand I'm not sayin I wouldn't like it ether. Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, don't wait for him to change! Ditch his sorry butt, disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes and say 'i love you' and actually mean it. Give the nice guys a chance. Guys re-post this if you agree. Girls re-post this if you think it's cute.. Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will re-post this. Life is too short to complain about everything that comes your way so stop and smell the roses in life because you might never have another time to take it, so take your time because they are all different in every way, so take chances in life, if it doesn't work out then fine, there are always more roses to smell.

Dating 101- The True Waiting Game

It is often said you should not look for someone. You should let that someone find you. Well if everyone believed in that concept then how would anyone ever find anyone if everyone is just hoping the "ONE" is going to randomly show up? Is this person suppose to show up like some cool breeze on a hot summer night?

I mean really......If that were true why is there so much information geared towards meeting someone out there? Like how to do this or how to that tips/tricks and self help information on finding the "ONE"? Why do services like speed dating, online dating, social meet-ups and other grand schemes to help people connect with each other exist if the "ONE" is supposed to simply find you?

When you finally do meet someone that is only half the battle. Then comes more questions and uncertainties. Do you give them your number first? Do you ask for theirs? Should you wait for them to ask you for yours or should you just exchange numbers?

.......Once you have miraculously figured that out, what should you do next? Based on who has whose number, do you wait for them to call or let them do all the calling so that you can;

a.) see just how much they like or are interested in you

b.) not come off as a stalker or overly eager type

c.) play it cool and just let nature take it's course (whatever that means)

Whew! Now that you have made it past all those what ifs and you now have figured out you might be the one to initiate the first call, do you call right away or is there an official waiting (let me not look too desperate) period? Is there a daily or weekly limit on the frequency of calls that one can make? Whose responsibility is it again to maintain the communication between two people, so that both parties know that they are both interested and excited without appearing like they are doing too much?

Everyone seems to have different approaches or techniques on how things should be done or developed. Some honestly believe that these set systems they have in place actually work for them. I think not!! If that were the case half these people would be all set in the relationship department. I would love to get the answers to my many questions. Perhaps there is an unspoken dating manual out there that I'm just not aware of. I'm interested and curious to know what are some of the different dating rules that you have in place and what works for you when meeting someone?

SHE Confession #2: Another Missed Connection

So I recently met someone. I was ecstatic initially because he appeared to have a vast majority of the qualities that my "Mr Right For Me" was supposed to have. I felt all the bells and whistles go off so I felt like making a public announcement "SHE may have found a man at last!" But....just before I could approve this message, update my relationship status on Facebook or tweet to my followers, I immediately realized this notion was short lived......

When it comes to attraction, surely there is an abundance of eye candy to satisfy ones satiable cravings if need be. However, how rare is it to come across the "ONE" that actually moves you? I'm not just talking about lust here. I'm talking about the kind of person that speaks to your inner spirit, at least that is what I thought. Trust me, it takes a special/unique person to reach or tap into that inner abyss. That inner abyss, that I call my inner spirit might have been off, hallucinating or something because I really thought I was picking up on some serious vibes from HE.

In actuality I was not. I was just running full speed on my emotions and need to fulfill a void I so desire. Well, thank goodness for friends who know you well and can help you reality check yourself from time to time when your sensors are completely off. Anyways, after sharing my situation with two of my closest SHEs, I got instant clarity and had the biggest epiphany! Everything that was being exchanged between HE and I was one sided. There is no mystery here in trying to figure out which side it was that was doing the most exchanges.

You see both my SHE friends help me see that I was carrying feelings from my last attempt at a pseudo relationship into the present situation, needless to say it wasn't cute. So, as an end result I had to do some reflecting, be honest with that SHE in the mirror. I had to see things for what they really are, a one way street headed to nowhere. I had to cut my losses while the getting was good or before the getting got too good, so to speak.

Do I still think of HE at times? Yes. Do I still hope sometimes that HE will see the effervescent light and come around? Yes. However, what I'm no longer doing is being the Gigi character from the movie (He's Not That Into You) waiting for HE to call or hoping to run into HE. I'm not sitting amongst other SHEs trying to over analyze why HE did this, why HE didn't do that or the worst, make excuses for things in an attempt to make oneself feel better. I will adapt one thing from the Gigi character, never to give up on finding love.

Pivotal scene from He's Not That Into You:

Alex: Then, wh...why would you do this? [He's upset and rubs his head.] Oh, sh|t. Why do women do this? Why do they build this stuff up in their minds, take each little thing a guy does and, and, and then twist it into something else...? It's insane! 

[He walks away.]  [There's a long silence between them.]

Gigi: I'd rather be like that than be like you.

Alex: [He walks back to talk to her.] Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?

Gigi: [She stands up and turns to face him.] I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there too much but...at least that means I still care. And, oh, you think you've won because women are...are expendable to you? And you may not get...get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way, but you don't fall in love that way, either. You have not won; you're alone, Alex! [She grabs her coat and storms to the door, starting to cry.] I may do a lot of stupid sh|t but I know I'm a lot closer to finding someone than you are. [She leaves briskly leaving Alex alone.]

SHE Confession #1: Online Dating on POF

I was asked by one of my fishy suitors what my process was for selecting a catch on the POF (Plenty of Fish) dating site was and it left me to thinking about whether or not I even had a process. I actually never thought or looked at it as a process before but, I guess I had in fact had one. Perhaps I can share with you all what my methodology was. You see generally when I get an inbox message. I would first look at the profile pics to determine if there is an attraction or any subtle or overt hints of insanity present :-)

(I know it was a tad bit shallow and perhaps overly cautious, forgive me). Then I moved down to look at the basic descriptors and read what he had written on the profile. If his profile spoke to me (a vibe thing) or something about him sparked my interest I responded. Initially I tried to be polite and respond to everyone at first with a customer service type mentality then I had to quickly realize that this was a dating site and not a place of business lol!

Out of the many fishy suitors I was engulfed by, I had only reached out to maybe two men myself and although they had responded with what seem to be some sort of interest, I think the fact that I initiated the contact made them feel like a fish out of water or like the ball was in their court so to speak. Granted, I never said I wanted to play ball or any games for that matter.

Online dating can be easily considered the drive-thru of the dating world. It comes with it's advantages as well as it's disadvantages. I read where someone said that online dating is a lot more difficult than they had originally thought. I have to agree. The reason being was no one was really focusing on one person. You see in the online arena your odds of finding the right one should increase based on the amount of choices at your disposal right? However, the more eye candy you have dangling in front of you the less chances you have of focusing on one person thus decreasing your chances or the odds of finding a potential mate. With all the distraction going on, your true mate/match could be slipping away unnoticed. It's truly the case of spending too much time getting carried away with the false sense of options that can sometimes slip you by and you end up with nothing.

So would I recommend online dating? Yes. Is it for everyone? No. Everyone that joins a dating site is not always some desperate person or some perv with major issues that they're hiding. Just know that everyone is not really who they represent themselves to be. However, you can actually meet some great people. The experience can be a combination of discouraging and yet addictive at the same time. More could be said about this fishing adventure but, I will leave that for another confession. I must say, in my two month trial period on POF I realized the "ONE" for me was not among these school of fish.

She Versus He Goes .Com

Hello faithful followers! I just wanted to announce that there will be a few new things on the horizon for SHE Versus HE. First I want to announce that SHE Versus HE has now got it's permanent home at: http://www.sheversushe.com There are several updates and changes underway so I thank you for your patience. However, many of you are still welcome to come to the blog for post updates. I also would like to invite you follow on facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/sheversushe You can follow me personally on twitter. Please be sure to check back for upcoming post. I have a few interesting topics to share with you, it is surely going to be captivating and thought provoking as ever so don't say I didn't warn you. Until the next episode.....