The Means to a Mend

No one wants to fall in love only for it to end in a deficit. As we struggle through this thing called life, we sometimes manage to surrender and let love in. When we decide to let love in, it seeps into our hearts, and like the weight of an ocean, it can break and shatter us. This can happen the moment you give love a chance. That feeling you get when you fall hard and seek your (be-all and end-all) to be filled by that SHE/HE.

I once heard, when it comes to love, it is better to walk into love rather than fall in love. This way, when the love is not right, you can simply walk away. If you fall in love, you run the risk of staying down too long and not knowing when or how to come back up - not knowing who or what to turn to, until you are left with no choice but to drown in love.

Once your heart takes over, you will feel yourself literally sink to the depths, the brink of what seems to be the point of no return, a complete abyss - entrapped by emotions and feeling broken. A state of complete darkness comes over you. Though all is dim, know that this too shall pass. The pain felt is not the end all.

Remember, just as that darkness of the night always precedes the dawn, know that light and blissful love is sure to follow after the pain. As long as there is breath in your body and a your heart still beats, you will heal and move on, even if it feels inconceivable.

This is not the end of you but, perhaps, an end of what was not meant to be. Know that the depth of that emotional abyss is not the final resting spot on your love journey. Sometimes you have to reach your lowest point, that point where you are faced without a choice, but only to move on and rise above it all. You can choose to stay at the bottom, until you simply drown, or you can gather the pearls and leave behind the pebbles and the swine. It is these very pearls that will make you stronger, more resilient, and help you see your worth.

Have faith that you can rise up and replace the darkness with the light. Transform your weakness and pain into your greatest strength, a means of growth and renewal. Understand that transformation often begins with a fall, and never regret the lesson.

I read somewhere that “The ground is where humility lives”. This is when you must seek your inner strength, inner circle, and faith to become more aware. It is only then that you will gain the needed endurance to move on. Once healed, at some point you will be forced to look back and see your own nothingness from whence you came. This will encourage you to seek the hunger for greatness. Know that if you have seen that reality, you have seen much. The one who is truly deceived and in darkness is the one who only seeks to pleasure HER/HIS own self, while simply disregarding others along the way. Deprived is the one who has never witnessed HER/HIS own need for the genuine love of another. Reliant on HER/HIS own self, SHE/HE fails to realize the weight of their actions and how it may compromise others, and everything else in existence.

Look to your faith and your inner strength to bring you back up, for the heart that you thought was forever damaged will be mended. What was shattered will be whole again. It is the belief that you can, that will allow you to do this. Keep seeking your inner strength. Constantly thinking and trying to figure out what went wrong, on the other hand, will only leave you to spend too much time regretting, feeling ashamed, and crippled with fear to love again. Don’t let the crushing waves of heartbreak prevent you from rising up. You can still rise up and breathe new air and new life, for new love can be just around the corner. Regain your sense of self and get back on the love track. Leave the pain behind you and don’t let the pain change you. You have a heart that is beautiful, lovable, and desirable for the right person. Keep these words dear and near and use them as your means to a mend.

Is Your Relationship a Deal Breaker?

Here's another great opportunity for you to hash out your relationship issues on T.V with the Author of "Think Like a Man" and host of The Steve Harvey Show based in Chicago. Even if you are not from Chicago area, if chosen you would be flown out with accommodations included so you can tell your story to Steve. 

Currently they are looking for women who are having problems in their relationships (hence why they reached to us). They are looking for women in long-term relationships that want to know if their man's behavior is really a deal breaker. Steve Harvey will sit down with you if you are selected and give you his honest advice from his perspective. If this sounds like something you would be interested in please contact Jasmine Stephen.

Is "HE" Cheating on "SHE" via Social Media?

Hello my wonderful SHE & HEs. I was contacted by the casting office of Relativity Television. They appear to be some of the same people behind the hit show "Catfish". They currently are working on a show that some may find relatable or interesting.  It is based on women who think their boyfriend or husbands are cheating on them “ONLINE” through social media.  

Apparently this is a huge problem that has become more prevalent in today’s relationships, yet few people are publicly discussing it. Currently they are working on the first therapy show that will tackle these types of relationship issues.  

This is not supposed to be a sleazy talk show; it’s going to be a one hour special on a major cable network. The host will be Dr. Ramani., a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor of Psychology. She's known to have a passion for helping others to live their happiest and healthiest lives. If interested in participating refer to the contact information listed.

6 Ways to Successfully Work With Your Significant Other

Sustaining a loving relationship poses challenges of it's own, much less trying to maintain a working relationship with the one you love. Hear how Rachel manages to keep things flowing in her work/love relationship:

                               On Working With Your Significant Other

Jameson and I began writing songs together after we broke up. That might sound odd, but for us it made sense. Sure, we had grievances with one another, but that didn’t mean we should have to stop hanging out!

Since then, we've gotten back together and worked through some of those grievances. At the same time, our songwriting has morphed into a full-on start-up enterprise. However, learning how to work together and be together as a couple has been no small challenge. More than once, my housemates (i.e. my parents) have heard me stomping around my room in the midst of a full-on phone tantrum.

And yet, I feel like I’ve also learned a few things.

If you’re thinking of starting a business with your significant other, here are some tips:

1. Don’t tell them their ideas suck. Just because you’re comfortable with one another, doesn’t mean you can eschew common courtesy.

2. Separate work from play. Set specific times when you’re going to work and specific times when you’re going to hang out. Oh, and constantly checking work emails during hangout time defeats the purpose.

3. Control your emotions. If something happened outside of work, leave it there. Vent to your journal, if need be, then get over it. You can’t do good work if you’re annoyed.

4. Keep your priorities in check. What’s more important to you: the product you’re creating or the person you create it with?

5. Praise one another. Too often, we don’t praise gifted people because we’re certain they already know how great they are. Not true. We all need to be encouraged in our gifts, especially artists.

6. Say thank you. Because any endeavor requires both your gifts. Because there is a lot to do and you couldn't do it without them. – r. yellen 

Guest Blogger, Rachel Yellen is a co-writer/band mate of the band Windsor.

The Night the Dance Ended

I'm sure finding love is attainable at any age. However, is there an expiration date on this whole dating thing? At what point is it possible to consider that one may be getting a pinch too old for this? Is there a point where one realizes they should have settled down with that special someone long ago? That point where one is forced to leave the game. Not because you wanted to but, because the game has forcefully retired you.

American Horror Story character, Fiona Goode played by (Jessica Lange) has this compelling scene in the episode appropriately named "The Replacements" that depicts this exact realization. It takes place in a dark Louisiana lounge. Fiona sits at the bar sipping her choice of spirits, while inhaling her surroundings as she exhales the smoke from her ciggy. She sits alone and unnoticed while the younger women at that very same bar are being approached. Suddenly, a handsome man comes towards her smiling. She takes note and prepares to be acknowledged only to realize that handsome man was making his way to the more youthful woman seated beside her. Feeling a bit foolish, it is then that she comes to the realization that she is an aging woman who no longer possess the "it" factor she once had. Her outer beauty has matured and to her dismay it's fading more rapidly that she would like to accept.

 (As she sips her drink her thoughts are narrated and she looks around the room)

 "It's a dance, a dance no one ever had to teach me. A dance I've known since I first saw my reflection in my father's eyes. My partners have been princes and starving artists, Greek Gods and clowns and every one of them certain they lead. But, it's always my dance. I make the first move, which is no move at all. I've always just understood that they will eventually find themselves in front of me. Primitive, beautiful animals. Their bodies responding to the inevitability of it all. It's my dance and I have performed it with finesse and abandon with countless partners. Only the faces change. And all this time, I never suspected the night would come when the dance would end."

When do you think your dance should end or will you dance until your inner music stops?

Are You Struggling with a Natural Addiction?

I came across an interesting blog post by a popular Atlanta Gossip Blogger by the name of Sandra Rose. I don't always agree with Sandra or what she has to say but, I admire her for having the guts to say or express what she feels. In that respect, many of us could take a page from her book because we all know how keeping stuff in is such a killer.....I will address that in another post...focus, focus! 

Anyways, this particular post caught my attention because it's one of those post that although familiar information, it causes bells to go off or better yet an epiphany to occur. In this piece Sandra addresses how many of us who may feel we are living a drug free life may be shocked to realize just how far from reality that is. Many of us have a natural drug addiction and we don't even realize it. If you think you might fit the bill click here. .....seeking possible rehab options as you read on.

SHE Confession #1: Online Dating on POF

I was asked by one of my fishy suitors what my process was for selecting a catch on the POF (Plenty of Fish) dating site was and it left me to thinking about whether or not I even had a process. I actually never thought or looked at it as a process before but, I guess I had in fact had one. Perhaps I can share with you all what my methodology was. You see generally when I get an inbox message. I would first look at the profile pics to determine if there is an attraction or any subtle or overt hints of insanity present :-)

(I know it was a tad bit shallow and perhaps overly cautious, forgive me). Then I moved down to look at the basic descriptors and read what he had written on the profile. If his profile spoke to me (a vibe thing) or something about him sparked my interest I responded. Initially I tried to be polite and respond to everyone at first with a customer service type mentality then I had to quickly realize that this was a dating site and not a place of business lol!

Out of the many fishy suitors I was engulfed by, I had only reached out to maybe two men myself and although they had responded with what seem to be some sort of interest, I think the fact that I initiated the contact made them feel like a fish out of water or like the ball was in their court so to speak. Granted, I never said I wanted to play ball or any games for that matter.

Online dating can be easily considered the drive-thru of the dating world. It comes with it's advantages as well as it's disadvantages. I read where someone said that online dating is a lot more difficult than they had originally thought. I have to agree. The reason being was no one was really focusing on one person. You see in the online arena your odds of finding the right one should increase based on the amount of choices at your disposal right? However, the more eye candy you have dangling in front of you the less chances you have of focusing on one person thus decreasing your chances or the odds of finding a potential mate. With all the distraction going on, your true mate/match could be slipping away unnoticed. It's truly the case of spending too much time getting carried away with the false sense of options that can sometimes slip you by and you end up with nothing.

So would I recommend online dating? Yes. Is it for everyone? No. Everyone that joins a dating site is not always some desperate person or some perv with major issues that they're hiding. Just know that everyone is not really who they represent themselves to be. However, you can actually meet some great people. The experience can be a combination of discouraging and yet addictive at the same time. More could be said about this fishing adventure but, I will leave that for another confession. I must say, in my two month trial period on POF I realized the "ONE" for me was not among these school of fish.

The Truth That "HE" May Never Tell You

I often anticipate and invite more participation from our “HE” readers. After all, the whole purpose of this blog is so that we can better understand one another when it comes to relationships. Being that I’m a woman I try my best not to get too wrapped up in giving the “SHE” perspective that, somehow I end up leaving the “HE” perspective wavering in the wind. As I continue to remain active in the “Love Movement” I often come across many fascinating blogs that I cannot just simply pass by without mention.

Okay all my “SHEs”, I know many of you are always wondering what‘s going on with “HE”? Why is “HE” behaving the way HE is? If only one knew what “HE” was thinking or feeling about the relationship. Why did "HE" end things the way HE did? Well, I think I have stumbled upon one of the golden secrets of a man’s heart and mentality. Please read below as a "HE" Blogger gives his account on why men often grow cold and shut down at the mere thought of love.

Open Letter: We Confess, We Men Are Afraid of Love

Dear Women:

We hope this letter finds you held securely by the arms of true Love. Love is a beautiful thing. Yet, we hope you realize how difficult it was for the man in your life to fall in Love with you and quite possibly, how difficult it is for him to be in Love with you. Love is difficult for us men. Why? Well, to be honest, Love scares us. We confess it here and now, we men are afraid of Love.

We are especially afraid that we will leap into the abyss of Love first but you will never join us. That we will fall blindly into Love and you will not be there to catch us, to guide us. Most importantly, we fear giving up control. We fear losing ourselves in an emotion we do not fully understand. An emotion that controls us rather than us controlling it.

No man wants to feel like he is falling in Love with you before you are falling in Love with him. And yes, we recognize the hypocrisy of that statement. We still stand by it. We recognize that we are asking you to sacrifice emotionally before us, for us, even if we have not fully demonstrated that you should do so beforehand. cont. here

Avoiding the Ultimate B L (Big Lesson)

When you first meet them, note* I said them and not the ONE. Better yet, let me call them a “BL” which is short for “Big Lesson”. You almost immediately and stupidly, I might add, fall for BL’s game or hex. If you never encountered a BL then consider yourself fortunate. However, in case one crosses your path this is how you will be able to identify them; a BL operates something like this: You meet them and you’re almost instantaneously enticed by their confidence, charm and their seductive ways. Now pay attention, that confidence will draw you in like a magnet, it is often a disguise for arrogance. BL’s always have charm and a tenacious way about them that is sure to have you in some sort of a trance. This comes from many years in the game, a serial player at its best. As for the seduction you will experience with BL, well let’s just say it’s like something beyond words or this lifetime.

A BL has the ability to detect your weakness and insecurities on sight. A BL can sniff this out like a hound and use them against you to reel you in and get you hooked. A BL can get you hooked long enough for them to have their way with you then dispose of you like old news. The sweet gestures that hooked, lined and sunk you are now replaced with a lack of feedback or total avoidance. We clearly saw all the red flags going up all around us at the time but, because BL had already succeeded in hooking us, we were already paralyzed and under their spell. We couldn't shake them even if we wanted to. We all ready brought what BL was selling so we were too far gone to make any sound judgments or decisions.

In the beginning, BL will either pretend to want a real relationship or some may even be up front and say they are not looking for anything serious. However, because of that “CCS” (Confidence, Charm, and Seduction) combo and because this combo is like no other, we don’t even wait for them to play us like a Mattel game. We begin to play mind games on our own selves. We begin to create delusional realities and, we do this with the most complete rationale too! We begin to believe that we have the ability to get them to see the relationship in a new light. That we have the ability to make them want to turn in their player card and make us the one. We say to ourselves that what we have going between the BL and us is something special, unique and worth holding on to. We fail to realize that a BL loves their player ways way more than they can ever care for or love us. Since a player tends to always have their cake and eat it too then why would they ever turn in their player card for us? You see a BL has always gotten away with things in past relationships and perhaps never been truly checked or ever had a dose of their own affliction. So why would they ever change or have compassion or mercy on us. BLs always have that “On to the next one” attitude so what’s so special about you to them?

Like I touched on in the Cutting the Tomfoolery post, we tend to fall for BLs perhaps because deep down everyone likes a little challenge or a daring thrill. It's not their unpleasant characteristics that we are drawn to; it is more so the chase that ignites us. It is the chase that makes our hearts almost skip a beat or tingle at the sight or thought of them. It is that chase that makes us never forget, or hang on to every word and hope that BL would call or surface. Know that if you pursue a BL you will be left with a nonexistent relationship that will ultimately leave you feeling void and disenchanted. The flames will most likely accelerate and ignite fast, things will really get hot between you and then you will be left abruptly burnt. So recognize the “BL” (Big Lesson) before hand so that you can avoid being unnecessarily schooled.

Love Expiration

There comes a time when two people have to realize that the expiration date between them is now progressively upon them. When one has to look back and assess the entire relationship and truly analyze if what one has between them is really real or worth it anymore. Is one living a lie? Is that magic really over and is there absolutely no hope of rekindling the relationship? Could it be that one has finally realized that they are never on the same page with SHE/HE about anything anymore? One might be saying and wanting one thing while the other may be desiring something totally different?

Sometimes couples find or think that it is simply easier to agree to disagree or go down the infamous silent treatment route. Living a mundane life like this with someone is sure to have a stifling effect on ones spirits. Many fail to realize that people simply grow apart. This is the point where it is vital to take a second look at your relationship and stop ignoring the bad or what is simply not good or working anymore regarding the two of you. This is something we often do in relationships and wonder how we got here. How did one get to this no man’s land of total disconnect where each day one is left feeling like you are just going through the motions, almost feeling like one is not really living or being one’s full self or potential. It’s like being in a situation that is no longer right, like living in a monotonous hell or emotional prison. It creeps up on you like some sort of depression or frustration that you cannot seem to put into words. This is where you have to ask yourself a few more questions:

*What exactly is holding or keeping the both of you together?

*Is it the love for each other, family and finances that's keeping you there or is it simply a force of habit or the creature of comfort?

*Could it be that one is afraid to exist and not coexist?

*Do you feel that the glue that held you both together is unraveling at lightning speed?

*Do you feel that there was always something your partner was holding back and kept him/her from truly being “in” the relationship you deserve or vice versa?

It’s important to ask oneself these questions when such feelings are racing through one’s mind on a day to day basis. Life is too short to live in this manner. One owes it to oneself and one’s mate to be the best that they can be and demand that it be reciprocated in return. Perhaps things are not as bad as one might believe. Perhaps it is just a matter of sorting through all those misunderstandings and believing in the value of the relationship by first figuring out where one first went wrong. Like putting on the rose colored glasses for the betterment of your love investment, like revaluating as well as working hard to rebuild one’s relationship.

If one feels that they have done all there is to mentally and physically do, then it’s time to recognize that it is imperative one loves themselves and their significant other enough to know when it’s time to let go. It does not mean that we are a failure or that we failed one another. Sometimes we have to admit that it truly does happen to the best of us. Don’t allow guilt to stagnate the long overdue decision. Love one another enough to recognize one’s love expiration.

Searching 4 Soulmate Candidate #1 & Only

“Hello. Is this Missing Persons? I’m looking for my Soulmate have you seen him?”
According to Greek Mythology, the first humans were created with 4 arms, 4 legs, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 pairs of eyes. Afraid of the power, Zeus split them in half, leaving them to find the other half of themselves. These people are believed to be called Soulmates.

Yeah, so that’s what the wallpaper on my crackberry currently reads. So this should be a clear indication of my Soulmate belief system or just how intense I am about the LOVE Movement. Like the soulful singer Sade, I too am a Soldier of Love. Despite the heartbreaks or failed relationships of the past, I still believe in love and that there is someone out there for me. I believe that everyone has someone that is just right for them. So with that being said I have to start off with a few thought provoking questions as I often do.

*Do you believe in the concept of a Soulmate?

*If so is there one soulmate for everyone, or are there multiple Soulmates for everyone in the world?

*Do you believe that there is not just a romantic/intimate Soulmate?

*Do you believe that you can also have a Soulmate in a friend, a sibling or distant relative as well?

Call me a silly or a corny romantic that lives in a world that either no longer or an even worse case scenario, never existed. Call me what you want but, I however, strongly believe in the Soulmate concept. Maybe it’s like walking around with a bag full of dreams or being caught up in a romantic matrix of some sort. Perhaps I must have overdosed on the fairy tales growing up, who knows for certain how I got this way……..or maybe I was just born this way. I know many of you can identify with the feelings I’m speaking on. The feelings you get when you have met the “ONE”. The “ONE” that makes you feel like singing every love song under the sun or the “ONE” that inspires you to write a little something like this:

Blessed that you are fortunate to live long enough in this life to experience such an inexplicable feeling for that someone special, a feeling you never want to let go of.... A feeling that makes you feel a little bit stronger, a little bit more compassionate, a feeling that has the ability to transform you into a better person while all the while leaving you feeling weak or at the mercy of the other. When you have this feeling, it’s the kind of feeling that no one can dare tell you how to feel, when to feel, why to feel or even think about suggesting you end it or change it.

This feeling is the most powerful feeling ever, it'll make you do things you never thought you would, and it will make you feel better than you ever felt before. However, it can also tear you in half in a matter of seconds. This intense feeling gives you the strength to take the good with the bad and make every minute feel well worth it and well spent.

Initially his physical stature caught my eyes but, his larger than life persona is what captured and locked my heart. As crazy as it may seem, I think I loved him long before we exchanged one solitary word or glance. His presence commands a great sense of familiarity, like I have been here, or like we have met before.

When ever he looks into my eyes the poet within me cease to exist for I instantaneously become speechless, for I’m basking in moments of this sheer bliss. I feel energetic passion when he touches me, a tenderness when he holds me close, a happiness when I'm graced with his presence, even if it’s just for a minute. Often left anxiously anticipating when our eyes will meet and our smiles will give us that sense of completion. His simple, sweet, sincere words touch & uplift me. His honesty and sincerity, intrigues me. A thought of him transcends me to a serene place then leaves me with an adolescent smile on my face. The intimacy that bonds two people happened and began with the eyes and the heart, long before the physical intimacy came into play. Some things happen beyond reason, like the wonder of how my feelings for him came to be and never cease to thrive or persist.-Soleilwriter

Now, the issue with this belief system is that these feelings needs to be felt by both parties involved for it to be that true Soulmate type connection. That feeling has to be a feeling that flows naturally. It shouldn't be a feeling that one has to force or create. It shouldn't be feelings that one has to put up all resistance against or take the fight or flight approach. The feeling you get will just simply be….a feeling that comes as natural as breathing.... Again, I cannot stress enough about how mutual things have to be. If all these things are not present then what you have is a one sided illusion or a grandiose imagination of a love affair. So what one may have perceived as a fairytale connection is more like an emotional one sided, heart wrenching amusement ride that leaves you feeling unsettled and uneasy. It leaves you feeling and writing heartfelt emotions about a love that is not reciprocated or simply cannot be. Figuring out where you are in a relationship or where you stand is easier said than done. Recognizing your Soulmate and knowing if he or she is the “ONE” is also easier said than done. All you can do is have a sincere heart and pray that love will come through for you this time around. Just remember that when all that has to be said has already been said or done, there is most certainly a lesson to be learned from every experience so never regret. Everyone one you meet along the way, whether just in passing or for a whirlwind minute, just know the encounter had a purpose. Even sugarcoated and optimistically thinking me has to unwillingly (rolling my eyes every bit of the way) admit nothing lasts forever, relationships begin, and sometimes they do unfortunately come to an end even when you don't want them to. Although, I may not have done a great job of accepting or practicing this in the past, I do try to be thankful for all the people that broke my heart. With every heartbreak, one has the ability to find oneself and in that, one is certainly sure to find one’s Soulmate.

Social Networking and the Relationship Upheaval

In the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" Drew Barrymore's character says:

"I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work. So I called him at home. Then he emailed me to my blackberry and so I text it to his cell. Now, you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by 7 different technologies....It's exhausting."

It’s true; relationships between men and women can be complicated enough. Then you add in the modern technologies of voicemails, emails, texting along with social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, and then things can really get complicated.

I have a few questions to ask once again. I really need your insight on this one. By you leaving your 2 cents on this you wont believe how you maybe helping others, including myself. Here goes:

*If you’re married/in a relationship how you do handle the status situation on social networking sites?

*How do handle opposite sex “friends”, their friend request or comments on social networking sites?

*Should married/in a relationship couples get a joint social networking account?

*Do you have a problem with him/her having access to your cell phone?

*Do you think it is o.k. for a guy/girl in new relationship to text constantly when they can simply call? (I’m talking get to know you long, continuous text).

*Should someone end a relationship via email or text?

*Is it o.k. to find out what your significant other is thinking or really feeling about through his/her status or tweet along with everyone else?

*How do handle password situations?

*How should couples handle all the social movement and its technology?

Many couples have different views on these questions that often end up in bitter arguments. These are just a few questions for now. Some of my questions may sound silly but, these questions seem to be the center of hot topics as well as heated arguments with many couples of late. Feel free to add your question and please, leave your comments.

My Spin On "The Ugly Truth"

I finally saw "The Ugly Truth". I really enjoyed this romantic comedy because, like this blog it explores relationships and the different ways men and women see things. I know some people feel romantic comedies are often not a good reflection of real life relationships. (Some men absolutely detest them…lol!) Nonetheless, I honestly think Hollywood is getting better at removing some of the perfection and happily ever after fluff and replacing it with true portrayals of real relationship issues that couples face every day.

After watching the movie I left pondering on these thoughts: He/She needs to be who they really are in the beginning of a relationship. Don’t try and become this character or facade in order to get him/her. If one enters a relationship pretending to be something they are not then, most likely one will spend most of their time feeling like they not only cheated themselves but their mate as well. With time, one will not be happy being the person they've become. As the real them begins to seep out, he/she will be left dissatisfied with the real you. When it comes to matters of the heart one should be truthful with their partners about what they want and their expectations in the begining. Surprisingly one may just end up with someone who actually likes them for who they truly are. So that's my spin on "the Ugly Truth" without any spoilers ;-)

Relationship Limbo on the Road to Where?

Here's two neat, yet simplistic videos that touches on topics that many of us who are in tumultuous relationships seem to keep pondering on from time to time. You see, when two people are together, and they say they love each other but, seem to be at war more often than at peace. When you have a situation where it appears to be more bickering and frustration than a real loving exchange. It can be very much like the "War of the Roses" or a "Thin Line Between Love & Hate". Often refusing to communicate, refusing to listen or compromise. Often wondering what is the glue that keeps you together and is that bond worth all the pain and frustration.



A few questions to brew on:

*Why stay together if one is not willing to make changes for the better?

*Why make each other miserable if neither one is willing to live up to each others expectations of each other?

*Why is it so easy for one to only see their pain but not the pain they inflict on the other?

If you find yourself at a crossroads and you still feel stuck and you need a little help along the way please be sure to read: A Means to a Mend

5 Suggested Tips on How to "Date" or "Court" Each Other

Whether you have just started seeing each other, newly married or a veteran at the matrimony thing, I think it is important to make time to still “Date” one another. Remember back in the day, when our elders use to actually "Court" each other? I feel it is so imperative to always try and slow down from life’s daily hustle and bustle and get that quality time in with one another. Try not to even make it an option. I feel it helps keep the relationship fresh and the communication and passion flourishing.

Here are 5 suggestions on how to continuously "Date" or "Court" each other:

Tip #1. Don’t make your date itinerary a routine or a duty either. Always try something new if possible. If unable to...switch it up a bit with a little added twist and rotate the activities or outings. Make it fun.

Tip #2. Get creative and use your imagination and resources. I do understand that this can be a difficult feat (especially when a night out with the Boys/Girls) seems more appealing. All you can really do is try to make an assertive effort and you’ll be surprise how she/he will come around and may begin to look forward to your dates.

Tip #3. Plan your date night and plan a separate night out with the Boys/Girls so that there is balance. A separate night out with ones peers is necessary from time to time.

Tip #4. If an important scheduled "Date Night" or "Boys/Girls Night" event conflicts with each other, have some leniency with one other and make a joint decision to alternate or swap days.

Tip #5. Try and do things you both like, try some of things that attracted you to each other in the first place. Also, alternate between what you like and what they like with the hopes of appreciating or understanding each others interest even more.

So those are my 5 suggested tips. Feel free to comment with tips and suggestions of your own. Lastly, be sure to have fun loving, appreciating and re-discovering each other all over again.

I'm Not the Expert Just an Apprentice of Love

This is how I started off one of my twitter updates today: "Just because one likes to have grown up conversations about relationships doesn't mean one is implying that they are an expert on the topic". Let me tell you what prompted me to state that….

My Beau and I were having a conversation about this here blog. By the way I am still trying to get him to join in on some of the discussions the way Hank and Nelia did on their blog. Maybe even do a dual couple blog like mr. nichols and his wife do on their blogs. But, perhaps he is internet shy because he sure has a lot to say otherwise….lol.

Anyways back to what I was saying. I said to him that I by no means am trying or professing to be a relationship expert. I was married for a little bit over over 15 years and had my share of both good and bad. I also have been the one that many girlfriends and (strangers in the grocery store go figure) seek for advice on all sorts of things but, still I am not an expert, for I am learning and trying to find my way everyday. I too often seek the comfort of picking the brains of others for further insight on my personal situations.

With this blog I would like to be viewed as more of a Moderator more than anything else. It is just as I said in my blog description; I really want to focus on relationships between Men and Women and the issues they face daily. I hope that this exchange of different views brings further understanding to both men and women.

So yes, I optimistically would like the end result to bring forth increased unity as well as harmony amongst the sexes. I too want to selfishly benefit from these discussions and grow as a person as well as in my relationship with my Beau. So unlike many of the she versus he discussions that generally creates division amongst the sexes, hopefully we will have a reverse effect here at she versus he.

Scales and Balances of the Heart

I was having a casual debate about relationships with a friend of the opposite sex. We had a host of exchanges bouncing back and forth. You see, when it comes to relationships you rarely find a shared consensus when males and females point of views are involved. We could not agree on much of anything. Who wants to give in to the other side? He actually had the bravado to go on and say that "When it comes to a relationship between two people, there is always one person who loves more than the other." I immediately disagreed and replied with such assurance to his comment because; I did not want to believe that such a thing could even be remotely true. "When one truly cares for someone it should be sincere" I said "When it comes to relationships everything should be 50/50 right?........Love is love correct, or is it truly a constant game that ones not sure they really ever wanted to play in the first place?".............

Well, I will have to reluctantly admit that some years later after experiencing and witnessing the trials and tribulations of relationship matters both mine and others around me, that he was indeed correct. I now admit my observations with additional findings.... Yes, he was correct but, that unbalanced scale of lust, love or whatever one chooses to call it, can shift in the course of a relationship at any given time. So when one thinks that they are more at the receiving and advantageous end of the Relationship Scale beware, because overnight in the bat of an eyelash, one might find themselves at the less appealing end of the relationship measuring stick. One might find themselves reluctantly on the the least lucrative side of the emotional scale.

So word to the wise. Don't get too comfortable with putting minimal effort and think that ones partner is going to always go above and beyond for ones love and attention. The moral of this story is: Do unto others as you want done to yourself when it comes to matters of the heart. Karma can come back and give you something that you did not anticipate and send you on an bitter sweet emotional whirlwind.

Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the most- Gordon Livington