Monday, September 7, 2015
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
I once heard, when it comes to love, it is better to walk into love rather than fall in love. This way, when the love is not right, you can simply walk away. If you fall in love, you run the risk of staying down too long and not knowing when or how to come back up - not knowing who or what to turn to, until you are left with no choice but to drown in love.
Once your heart takes over, you will feel yourself literally sink to the depths, the brink of what seems to be the point of no return, a complete abyss - entrapped by emotions and feeling broken. A state of complete darkness comes over you. Though all is dim, know that this too shall pass. The pain felt is not the end all.
Remember, just as that darkness of the night always precedes the dawn, know that light and blissful love is sure to follow after the pain. As long as there is breath in your body and a your heart still beats, you will heal and move on, even if it feels inconceivable.
This is not the end of you but, perhaps, an end of what was not meant to be. Know that the depth of that emotional abyss is not the final resting spot on your love journey. Sometimes you have to reach your lowest point, that point where you are faced without a choice, but only to move on and rise above it all. You can choose to stay at the bottom, until you simply drown, or you can gather the pearls and leave behind the pebbles and the swine. It is these very pearls that will make you stronger, more resilient, and help you see your worth.
Have faith that you can rise up and replace the darkness with the light. Transform your weakness and pain into your greatest strength, a means of growth and renewal. Understand that transformation often begins with a fall, and never regret the lesson.
I read somewhere that “The ground is where humility lives”. This is when you must seek your inner strength, inner circle, and faith to become more aware. It is only then that you will gain the needed endurance to move on. Once healed, at some point you will be forced to look back and see your own nothingness from whence you came. This will encourage you to seek the hunger for greatness. Know that if you have seen that reality, you have seen much. The one who is truly deceived and in darkness is the one who only seeks to pleasure HER/HIS own self, while simply disregarding others along the way. Deprived is the one who has never witnessed HER/HIS own need for the genuine love of another. Reliant on HER/HIS own self, SHE/HE fails to realize the weight of their actions and how it may compromise others, and everything else in existence.
Look to your faith and your inner strength to bring you back up, for the heart that you thought was forever damaged will be mended. What was shattered will be whole again. It is the belief that you can, that will allow you to do this. Keep seeking your inner strength. Constantly thinking and trying to figure out what went wrong, on the other hand, will only leave you to spend too much time regretting, feeling ashamed, and crippled with fear to love again. Don’t let the crushing waves of heartbreak prevent you from rising up. You can still rise up and breathe new air and new life, for new love can be just around the corner. Regain your sense of self and get back on the love track. Leave the pain behind you and don’t let the pain change you. You have a heart that is beautiful, lovable, and desirable for the right person. Keep these words dear and near and use them as your means to a mend.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Monday, January 16, 2012
This interesting fairly new concept is called "Wot Went Wrong". It's a site geared towards helping people get the feedback and finality that they always wanted. Here you can fill out a simple five step process and Viola! You are well on your way to getting the closure you so needed and it will finally allow you to move on with your life. See for yourself and feel free to let us know how it helped you.
***Update*** Although it may have been a great concept, this site appears to no longer be in operation. I guess it may have been difficult to get the side of the let down to fess up.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
As I take a look back at the past year, I observed some trends regarding relationships between men and women. Things, I have noticed in the relationships of others as well as my own. I have been observing, interviewing and analyzing a few things about men and women when it comes to dating and relationships. It appeared to me that, the relations between men and women have reached an alarming state. No matter how I try to optimistically view things, I kept coming back to the same disappointing reality. The reality that the more you put your feelings on the line for someone or the minute you happen to show you have an ounce of care or concern regarding the other person you might as well consider that the death of the relationship that never was. What is it? Are we afraid of real love. Are we looking at love or a relationship as some sort of big bad monster or the Bogey Man?
Don't get me wrong, there is still a rare breed of She/Hes who still respond to actual positive interactions and affection. There are still a few of us out there that still respond to daily forms of affection or communication. There are even some who don't immediately perceive such frequent communication or affection as borderline stalking and start running for the hills. With all the communication vices at our finger tips, it just seems to appear that we are becoming more detached and distant from one another.
In 2012 I challenge each of you to do better in communicating with SHE/HE. I challenge you to be upfront and sincere about who you are and what you want out of your relationships, whether it be a casual one or a serious one. I challenge you to be clear and concise and leave the mixed smoke signals in 2011 where they belong along with the years before it. Remember, your interactions with others can be complicated or it can be simplistic. The energy you put into it is the energy and karma you get back and that is truly the bottom line. So if you move with love, light and positivity, the odds of you getting that in return are far greater than if you move with calculated, dark and negative intentions.
It's real simple, be what you hope for. It really does begin with you. If you didn't get the outcome you were anticipating then it's okay. It just means that the situation is not for you or it's not the right time. Let's do our part individually while working collectively to have better relations in 2012. If it didn't work for you in 2011, let it go. If it didn't yield the results or the returns you hoped for, let it go and with no bitterness and regrets either. Release and let the love in. May we have all the love and blessings that our hearts desire in 2012 and the following years to come. Happy New Year Everyone.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
by Ms. Nakki on Sunday, August 28, 2011 at 10:16 pm
It’s not a secret, at least to me, that I've been discontent with this long-distance thing. I've had a bad history with long distance relationships…apparently. Third time a charm? Ahhhh….NO.
Although my rational mind says that what happens is supposed to happen, my heart aches and right now, I’m in need of companionship. Not the kind that my Sorors, home girls, and home boys provide. Not the kind that I can get simply by making a phone call, either…
There’s nothing wrong with wanting the companionship of someone that moves the mind, heart, and body. That is what I want…and I can’t have it with 700 miles in between. Holding hands every 6 months does NOT a relationship make!
I ask myself over and over again if THIS is what I get for the decisions that I've made in life. I go through the what ifs and the shoulda, coulda, woulda scenarios more than I care to count. I've been patient. I've mastered the art of dating myself…I've gotten myself so many gifts, I dare someone else to get me something that I don’t already have. I sing to myself, I take myself out to dinner, I hold my own damned hands when it’s cold. I open the door for myself; I call myself beautiful and toss back my head so that the sun can give me a kiss good morning. All day, every day.
I’m not desperate because I've made what I want and feel that I need public. I’m not afraid to say that I want or need a man. That doesn't mean that I’m standing around the corner waiting for some aloof guy to come, so that I could jump on him. I’m not going out in the streets looking like I belong in a circus (or in a stage play for the ones that are disillusioned about how their make-up looks), or like I should be in some type of erotic showcase. It’s not me…AND, I’d never want a man to accuse me of tricking him because he woke up next to me and my wig was on the lamp shade. No offense to my wig-wearing friends…but I’m just me, no frills. Plain Jane.
I don’t even want to hear about my “No Frilliness” being the PROBLEM… I know a lot of married women who are no-frills. They didn't need embellishment for someone to profess his love in such a way that he wanted her as his life’s partner. So, make up, high heels, and more revealing clothing is not a necessity to be a “fish that’s not tossed back”. Steve Harvey said that…the analogy is so fitting. Dating is a fishing excursion…are you the keeper or are you the one that gets tossed back into the water? He doesn't discuss the ones that were kept and were poisoned or decaying inside – are those the divorcees or the exes? I digress.
He told me that he’s noticed that I've been pulling away from him. Conversations are not as “easy”, I’m not as talkative or funny, I don’t sound as if I’m glad to hear from him anymore. Lord knows that I can’t keep my feelings bottled up and YES, things have changed. I got that although THIS is something he never expected – falling in love; he doesn't know how to integrate it into his current structure of life. No more taking in the evenings unless he’s running an errand – he doesn't want his daughter to hear him on the phone – she’ll automatically know that he’s talking to a woman. (I can't rationalize that yet...she's 16, not 6!) When he runs those errands and is out and about alone, he sees it as a chance to catch up, albeit briefly. He forgets that there’s someone on the phone that expects and wants his undivided attention: “Can I get a spinach wrap with extra cheese?!” Ok…now what were you saying? “How much?!” Sorry, hold on, ok. I’m back… KETCHUP Ma’aM, please!” OK, ok… “Let me call you back, my parents (my brother, my daughter) are calling”.
I never wanted him to make a choice…I wanted him to learn how to reconcile all of these components of his life: daughter, parents, brother, me. Reconcilable. The thing is…that I can’t do the reconciling… I told him that he doesn't have to choose…EITHER/OR doesn't exist in this situation. There was always the understanding that we're both "package deals". The choice is whether or not he wants to reconcile me with his family. There are not 2 families and I don’t have to be a secret. Perhaps I'm asking for too much and my expectations are misplaced...grasping for straws here.
So, I’m simply “chillin”. Coolin out. Whatever is whatever. When he’s figured out how to reconcile all that is going on in his life, I may be available. Yes, I love him and I love me. If he cannot give me what I’ve articulated to be my basic need…then why am I still pretending that it will change? I am pretending when we talk about the future… I’m pretending like it’s something that I can see on the horizon…I can – that little sailboat that doesn't have wind to push it home. While I chill, my options remain open.
Ramblings in the name of “companionship”…
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
It’s important to ask oneself these questions when such feelings are racing through one’s mind on a day to day basis. Life is too short to live in this manner. One owes it to oneself and one’s mate to be the best that they can be and demand that it be reciprocated in return. Perhaps things are not as bad as one might believe. Perhaps it is just a matter of sorting through all those misunderstandings and believing in the value of the relationship by first figuring out where one first went wrong. Like putting on the rose colored glasses for the betterment of your love investment, like revaluating as well as working hard to rebuild one’s relationship.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
According to Greek Mythology, the first humans were created with 4 arms, 4 legs, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 pairs of eyes. Afraid of the power, Zeus split them in half, leaving them to find the other half of themselves. These people are believed to be called Soulmates.
Blessed that you are fortunate to live long enough in this life to experience such an inexplicable feeling for that someone special, a feeling you never want to let go of.... A feeling that makes you feel a little bit stronger, a little bit more compassionate, a feeling that has the ability to transform you into a better person while all the while leaving you feeling weak or at the mercy of the other. When you have this feeling, it’s the kind of feeling that no one can dare tell you how to feel, when to feel, why to feel or even think about suggesting you end it or change it.Now, the issue with this belief system is that these feelings needs to be felt by both parties involved for it to be that true Soulmate type connection. That feeling has to be a feeling that flows naturally. It shouldn't be a feeling that one has to force or create. It shouldn't be feelings that one has to put up all resistance against or take the fight or flight approach. The feeling you get will just simply be….a feeling that comes as natural as breathing.... Again, I cannot stress enough about how mutual things have to be. If all these things are not present then what you have is a one sided illusion or a grandiose imagination of a love affair. So what one may have perceived as a fairytale connection is more like an emotional one sided, heart wrenching amusement ride that leaves you feeling unsettled and uneasy. It leaves you feeling and writing heartfelt emotions about a love that is not reciprocated or simply cannot be. Figuring out where you are in a relationship or where you stand is easier said than done. Recognizing your Soulmate and knowing if he or she is the “ONE” is also easier said than done. All you can do is have a sincere heart and pray that love will come through for you this time around. Just remember that when all that has to be said has already been said or done, there is most certainly a lesson to be learned from every experience so never regret. Everyone one you meet along the way, whether just in passing or for a whirlwind minute, just know the encounter had a purpose. Even sugarcoated and optimistically thinking me has to unwillingly (rolling my eyes every bit of the way) admit nothing lasts forever, relationships begin, and sometimes they do unfortunately come to an end even when you don't want them to. Although, I may not have done a great job of accepting or practicing this in the past, I do try to be thankful for all the people that broke my heart. With every heartbreak, one has the ability to find oneself and in that, one is certainly sure to find one’s Soulmate.
This feeling is the most powerful feeling ever, it'll make you do things you never thought you would, and it will make you feel better than you ever felt before. However, it can also tear you in half in a matter of seconds. This intense feeling gives you the strength to take the good with the bad and make every minute feel well worth it and well spent.
Initially his physical stature caught my eyes but, his larger than life persona is what captured and locked my heart. As crazy as it may seem, I think I loved him long before we exchanged one solitary word or glance. His presence commands a great sense of familiarity, like I have been here, or like we have met before.
When ever he looks into my eyes the poet within me cease to exist for I instantaneously become speechless, for I’m basking in moments of this sheer bliss. I feel energetic passion when he touches me, a tenderness when he holds me close, a happiness when I'm graced with his presence, even if it’s just for a minute. Often left anxiously anticipating when our eyes will meet and our smiles will give us that sense of completion. His simple, sweet, sincere words touch & uplift me. His honesty and sincerity, intrigues me. A thought of him transcends me to a serene place then leaves me with an adolescent smile on my face. The intimacy that bonds two people happened and began with the eyes and the heart, long before the physical intimacy came into play. Some things happen beyond reason, like the wonder of how my feelings for him came to be and never cease to thrive or persist.-Soleilwriter
Friday, July 15, 2011
It’s true; relationships between men and women can be complicated enough. Then you add in the modern technologies of voicemails, emails, texting along with social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, and then things can really get complicated.
I have a few questions to ask once again. I really need your insight on this one. By you leaving your 2 cents on this you wont believe how you maybe helping others, including myself. Here goes:
*If you’re married/in a relationship how you do handle the status situation on social networking sites?
*How do handle opposite sex “friends”, their friend request or comments on social networking sites?
*Should married/in a relationship couples get a joint social networking account?
*Do you have a problem with him/her having access to your cell phone?
*Do you think it is o.k. for a guy/girl in new relationship to text constantly when they can simply call? (I’m talking get to know you long, continuous text).
*How do handle password situations?
*How should couples handle all the social movement and its technology?
Many couples have different views on these questions that often end up in bitter arguments. These are just a few questions for now. Some of my questions may sound silly but, these questions seem to be the center of hot topics as well as heated arguments with many couples of late. Feel free to add your question and please, leave your comments.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I finally saw "The Ugly Truth". I really enjoyed this romantic comedy because, like this blog it explores relationships and the different ways men and women see things. I know some people feel romantic comedies are often not a good reflection of real life relationships. (Some men absolutely detest them…lol!) Nonetheless, I honestly think Hollywood is getting better at removing some of the perfection and happily ever after fluff and replacing it with true portrayals of real relationship issues that couples face every day.
After watching the movie I left pondering on these thoughts: He/She needs to be who they really are in the beginning of a relationship. Don’t try and become this character or facade in order to get him/her. If one enters a relationship pretending to be something they are not then, most likely one will spend most of their time feeling like they not only cheated themselves but their mate as well. With time, one will not be happy being the person they've become. As the real them begins to seep out, he/she will be left dissatisfied with the real you. When it comes to matters of the heart one should be truthful with their partners about what they want and their expectations in the begining. Surprisingly one may just end up with someone who actually likes them for who they truly are. So that's my spin on "the Ugly Truth" without any spoilers ;-)
Monday, August 10, 2009
A few questions to brew on:
*Why stay together if one is not willing to make changes for the better?
*Why make each other miserable if neither one is willing to live up to each others expectations of each other?
*Why is it so easy for one to only see their pain but not the pain they inflict on the other?
If you find yourself at a crossroads and you still feel stuck and you need a little help along the way please be sure to read: A Means to a Mend
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Whether you have just started seeing each other, newly married or a veteran at the matrimony thing, I think it is important to make time to still “Date” one another. Remember back in the day, when our elders use to actually "Court" each other? I feel it is so imperative to always try and slow down from life’s daily hustle and bustle and get that quality time in with one another. Try not to even make it an option. I feel it helps keep the relationship fresh and the communication and passion flourishing.
Here are 5 suggestions on how to continuously "Date" or "Court" each other:
Tip #1. Don’t make your date itinerary a routine or a duty either. Always try something new if possible. If unable to...switch it up a bit with a little added twist and rotate the activities or outings. Make it fun.
Tip #2. Get creative and use your imagination and resources. I do understand that this can be a difficult feat (especially when a night out with the Boys/Girls) seems more appealing. All you can really do is try to make an assertive effort and you’ll be surprise how she/he will come around and may begin to look forward to your dates.
Tip #3. Plan your date night and plan a separate night out with the Boys/Girls so that there is balance. A separate night out with ones peers is necessary from time to time.
Tip #4. If an important scheduled "Date Night" or "Boys/Girls Night" event conflicts with each other, have some leniency with one other and make a joint decision to alternate or swap days.
Tip #5. Try and do things you both like, try some of things that attracted you to each other in the first place. Also, alternate between what you like and what they like with the hopes of appreciating or understanding each others interest even more.
So those are my 5 suggested tips. Feel free to comment with tips and suggestions of your own. Lastly, be sure to have fun loving, appreciating and re-discovering each other all over again.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
This is how I started off one of my twitter updates today: "Just because one likes to have grown up conversations about relationships doesn't mean one is implying that they are an expert on the topic". Let me tell you what prompted me to state that….
My Beau and I were having a conversation about this here blog. By the way I am still trying to get him to join in on some of the discussions the way Hank and Nelia did on their blog. Maybe even do a dual couple blog like mr. nichols and his wife do on their blogs. But, perhaps he is internet shy because he sure has a lot to say otherwise….lol.
Anyways back to what I was saying. I said to him that I by no means am trying or professing to be a relationship expert. I was married for a little bit over over 15 years and had my share of both good and bad. I also have been the one that many girlfriends and (strangers in the grocery store go figure) seek for advice on all sorts of things but, still I am not an expert, for I am learning and trying to find my way everyday. I too often seek the comfort of picking the brains of others for further insight on my personal situations.
With this blog I would like to be viewed as more of a Moderator more than anything else. It is just as I said in my blog description; I really want to focus on relationships between Men and Women and the issues they face daily. I hope that this exchange of different views brings further understanding to both men and women.
So yes, I optimistically would like the end result to bring forth increased unity as well as harmony amongst the sexes. I too want to selfishly benefit from these discussions and grow as a person as well as in my relationship with my Beau. So unlike many of the she versus he discussions that generally creates division amongst the sexes, hopefully we will have a reverse effect here at she versus he.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Abby Richter (Katherine Heigl) is a romantically challenged morning show producer whose search for Mr. Perfect has left her hopelessly single. She's in for a rude awakening when her bosses team her with Mike Chadway (Gerard Butler), a hardcore TV personality who promises to spill the ugly truth on what makes men and women tick.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Everyday isn’t always a good day between two people. The two of you may not always see eye to eye. It may even get to the point where issues and conflicts become frequent visitors in your relationship. These communication isues shouldn’t really make much a difference right? After all, they are your most cherished confidant right?
Well, what do you do when your most cherished confidant goes and compromise your trust? This often occurs as a result of anger or some emotional based revenge. The very same secrets you shared with them are now being thrown back at you to hurt you. The very same insecurities that you divulged are now being used against you. What do you do when you are constantly being undermined by this person you love? What do you do when they use words to emotionally hurt or manipulate you because they know just exactly how to do it?
a) Try your best to work it out by figuring out the emotional root of the constant betrayal and decide to forgive and forget.
b) Do you give them a spoonful of their own emotionally fatal medicine?
c) Do you acknowledge this as emotional abuse and decide to cut your losses and let go of the emotional roller coaster?
I would love to hear your answer and see how you would handle things……..
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Yes, one should value what the other brings to the relationship. By all means the best way to show appreciation for ones worth is by reciprocating. But, you see this is where it gets a little tricky…. It appears that there is an assortment of us that are either wired differently or perhaps got the wrong memo. There are so many failed relationships due to the fact that someone in the magnificent duo forgot to value the others worth.
Even when that happens we continue to “add to the picnic” (as Nelia cleverly put it) with the hopes that things will change and get better. This often leaves us anticipating that our partner “will bring something to the picnic that we will finally enjoy” in other words changes for the better or evolve into relationship material.
So here are a few questions to ponder on:
When you love someone should you just give up after constantly coming up short at the picnic? Should one keep bringing the goods for the sake of sacrifice and the commitment to the relationship? Should one keep doing and hope the other will learn by example and eventually catch on? Should one just cut their losses and find a new picnic partner? Now, if one does that then does one run the risk of possible negative relationship patterns like mentioned in the above post. The risk of ending up with someone from that assortment of us that are either wired differently or perhaps got the wrong memo.