SHE Confession # 10: The Casual Contract

We must pay close attention to whom we share our intimate energy with. Sexual intimacy on this level intricately entwines the auric energies of both sexual partners. It creates a powerful exchange of energy between those involved.  These powerful connections, no matter how insignificant we think they are, leave spiritual debris upon the aura for a long time because they are not easily cleansed or balanced. ‘Casual sex’ with many partners can entwine the energies of all these people into your own aura as well, if they are not severed and cleansed properly. This type of cluttered aura can be felt by others. This explains the subtle energies we give off. A person who sleeps with multiple people carries around a confused aura. The longer and more intimate the contact with another person, the more powerful the interactions of the auric fields become and the harder it is for these connections to untangle and leave. - Author Unknown

I was single and desolate when I decided to enter a verbal contract. A contract that would require me to have a consensual, casual relationship....no strings attached. My true nature would have never entertained the idea of such a relationship before but, as my loneliness rose to an all-time high, it began to impair my better judgement. To make matters worse, this forced celibate state I was in started to get the best of me. I longed for intimacy, that human connection with someone special. So as impatience moved in, I gave in.

There was no deceiving myself. I knew it wasn't the ultimate relationship that I had been holding out for. However, I coaxed myself into thinking it couldn't hurt. Hell, it was better than being alone, I thought. I told myself that I could do this. Stay focused, detached and simply enjoy his company. Be in the moment, while keeping my options open. It seemed like the perfect agreement while waiting for Mr. Ideal to show up and make his presence known. Things were fine at first. Our times together consisted of a mélange of intriguing conversation and intimacy. What had the makings of a brief fling suddenly had all the characteristics of a meaningful relationship. 

This was one of the dangers of being in such a sexy arrangement - that moment when a thin line comes into play. Where things go from being casual to feeling like a serious something. This is where the unthinkable happened... like a thief in the night, feelings emerged and I was then forced to realize my feelings for him. My gut told me he had feelings for me as well. My gut also said that although I am a committed relationship kind of girl, he will never be a committed relationship kind of guy and therein lies the problem.

How does one deal when the playing field suddenly changes? Do you try and renegotiate your arrangement? How does one even go about such a thing after setting such noncommittal ground rules? Do you sit down and try and discuss new terms under a new relationship contract or do you stop dead and center and walk away?  

As with most endeavors, there are a few lessons to be learned from this:

• There is no such thing as just a casual relationship
• Never allow your loneliness to lead you to settling
• People are who they are and believe what they tell you

It is a lot harder to get someone out of your life than it is to let them in. So take your time and choose wisely.

SHE Confession #8: The Disarray of Matrimony

I loved two men in my life. I loved them enough to marry them. I also even loved them enough to divorce them just as well. The first marriage was in my late teens and ended before I was even legal to drink. The latter I married a few years shortly after. Both of those marriages painfully ended to my dismay. I take the brunt of the blame. Reason being, my selection process. Although they were very different in many ways, it was like I had chosen the exact same man twice.

I believed both men truly loved me but, not enough to give up their bachelor like ways. They were both men who thrived for the nightlife and lived for the streets, seven days a week. They both had the mentality that this is who they were and I just had to accept it if I wanted to be in their world. Neither one of them disclosed such behavior when we were courting. Perhaps they did but, the dopamine high affected my better judgment. I was also naive in thinking I could try to change either of them. I tried a series of things in both marriages. I tried talking it out, expressing my feelings, fighting about it and lastly, I tried the two can play that game strategy. Neither of these things ever really worked.

After going through the dissatisfaction of failing marriage number two, I finally realized that it was wrong of me to expect change from someone who didn't want to change or feel the need for the change. I had to learn to try to accept people for who they are. I can choose to deal with them as they are or I can choose not to. What made me finally move on from the second marriage was when I realized that I was doing all the compromising and through all the compromising I lost my sense of self, who I was along the way.

Depression had set in and I was not characteristically recognizable to those who knew and loved me. So after two decades of marriage I mustered up the courage to leave. I left him not because I stopped loving him; I left because I had to start loving me again. Leaving him was about reclaiming my sense of self-worth back, becoming strong and whole again. If by chance I should have a go at love again, hopefully it will be with someone whose values fit with my own or one that is willing to compromise for the sake of the relationship.

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6 Ways to Successfully Work With Your Significant Other

Sustaining a loving relationship poses challenges of it's own, much less trying to maintain a working relationship with the one you love. Hear how Rachel manages to keep things flowing in her work/love relationship:

                               On Working With Your Significant Other

Jameson and I began writing songs together after we broke up. That might sound odd, but for us it made sense. Sure, we had grievances with one another, but that didn’t mean we should have to stop hanging out!

Since then, we've gotten back together and worked through some of those grievances. At the same time, our songwriting has morphed into a full-on start-up enterprise. However, learning how to work together and be together as a couple has been no small challenge. More than once, my housemates (i.e. my parents) have heard me stomping around my room in the midst of a full-on phone tantrum.

And yet, I feel like I’ve also learned a few things.

If you’re thinking of starting a business with your significant other, here are some tips:

1. Don’t tell them their ideas suck. Just because you’re comfortable with one another, doesn’t mean you can eschew common courtesy.

2. Separate work from play. Set specific times when you’re going to work and specific times when you’re going to hang out. Oh, and constantly checking work emails during hangout time defeats the purpose.

3. Control your emotions. If something happened outside of work, leave it there. Vent to your journal, if need be, then get over it. You can’t do good work if you’re annoyed.

4. Keep your priorities in check. What’s more important to you: the product you’re creating or the person you create it with?

5. Praise one another. Too often, we don’t praise gifted people because we’re certain they already know how great they are. Not true. We all need to be encouraged in our gifts, especially artists.

6. Say thank you. Because any endeavor requires both your gifts. Because there is a lot to do and you couldn't do it without them. – r. yellen 

Guest Blogger, Rachel Yellen is a co-writer/band mate of the band Windsor.

SHE Confession #7: I Just Can't Anymore

I'm not feeling this between us anymore. I have been let down and disregarded so many times in my past and now you too... Was it naive of me to think you were incapable of doing the same? I guess...I have tried my best to always be there for you when you needed someone to talk to, someone to care or just simply be there. You know it really wasn't no task at all, for I hung onto every word that you so much as even uttered from your beautiful lips.

I thought I had the same in you but, in return you disappointed me… You fell out of my life once again. You checked out once more. As life with me became too much for you to bear you just simply stopped calling. Not once did you seem to care what was going on with me. What you had going on was all that seem to truly matter anyways.

Loving you was a certainty that I would be there. I respected your need to do things differently and handle things your own way. At the same time your actions forced me to realize what works for me and this one-way surely doesn't anymore. Walking out of my life and strolling back when it is conducive for you…really?

During your hiatus I reached out to you because I needed you, I needed someone to talk to, someone to just listen with care… Instead you were nowhere to be found because, you were busy doing you. This last time you showed up expecting to get back in, back to when we were at our ultimate high. I just simply can't keep doing this again and again, I just can no longer do us. Not because I don't love you anymore. Hell, I still do...maybe even more. I just can't endure the pain anymore. This whole thing has got me so weak...I can't foresee me ever trusting you as I once did and that is why I just can't anymore.  

HE Confession #3: SHE, the Bitch I Never Knew

SHE left me disenchanted. Her actions ripped my perception of who I thought SHE was to pieces. It changed my reality, our existence. SHE was unintentionally tested by me. SHE failed and, miserably I might add. SHE took what we had between us…what I thought was beyond any monetary value and, reduced us like some outdated piece of technology. 

We became a thing of yesterday…obsolete. Just like that… I sometimes watch her bask in her own delight from a distance and think oh, what a Bitch SHE is! A Bitch no doubt… Then I came to my senses and realized I’m just simply chagrined by it all. 

I’m still very much in love with the idea of who I thought SHE was.  The truth of the matter is SHE is not a bitch at all. SHE is still the same SHE that SHE always has been. A SHE I refused to initially see. Instead of continuously harboring ill feelings for her, I can now only want to wish her well. For if SHE was not being SHE I would not have been the involuntary recipient of clarity, a parting gift that SHE so graciously left. Staring at me was the true Bitch, my denial... 
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SHE Confession #6: A Solemn Stance on Love

It's been difficult to write about relationships and my thoughts regarding them for quite some time lately. My inability to do so wasn't so much so that I had some sort of writer's block. It's actually quite the opposite. I actually have so much to say or so much on my mind regarding relationships as a whole. I've been boggled down with my own personal feelings on the matter that, I have not been able to funnel through it. I just can't seem to make sense of it all, or where to begin. Partly being, is that I'm learning to emotionally let go. Holding on to a certain something or someone has been one of my biggest muse when it comes to writing about relationships. Letting go of what had been my drug, my main source of inspiration....my emotional addiction. It was one of the hardest things I had to do and like with any addiction every new day is an entirely new struggle. Holding on too long has been a downfall of mine.

I honestly have to say that there are truly many depths of love. You can love people for totally different reasons. However, when love is staring you in the face you truly know it without a doubt. Love makes you want to give even when there is nothing to gain in return. At the same time love can sting when it's not returned in equal or even a remote measure. While love can be so beautiful it can be equally dismal.