SHE Confession # 10: The Casual Contract

We must pay close attention to whom we share our intimate energy with. Sexual intimacy on this level intricately entwines the auric energies of both sexual partners. It creates a powerful exchange of energy between those involved.  These powerful connections, no matter how insignificant we think they are, leave spiritual debris upon the aura for a long time because they are not easily cleansed or balanced. ‘Casual sex’ with many partners can entwine the energies of all these people into your own aura as well, if they are not severed and cleansed properly. This type of cluttered aura can be felt by others. This explains the subtle energies we give off. A person who sleeps with multiple people carries around a confused aura. The longer and more intimate the contact with another person, the more powerful the interactions of the auric fields become and the harder it is for these connections to untangle and leave. - Author Unknown

I was single and desolate when I decided to enter a verbal contract. A contract that would require me to have a consensual, casual relationship....no strings attached. My true nature would have never entertained the idea of such a relationship before but, as my loneliness rose to an all-time high, it began to impair my better judgement. To make matters worse, this forced celibate state I was in started to get the best of me. I longed for intimacy, that human connection with someone special. So as impatience moved in, I gave in.

There was no deceiving myself. I knew it wasn't the ultimate relationship that I had been holding out for. However, I coaxed myself into thinking it couldn't hurt. Hell, it was better than being alone, I thought. I told myself that I could do this. Stay focused, detached and simply enjoy his company. Be in the moment, while keeping my options open. It seemed like the perfect agreement while waiting for Mr. Ideal to show up and make his presence known. Things were fine at first. Our times together consisted of a mélange of intriguing conversation and intimacy. What had the makings of a brief fling suddenly had all the characteristics of a meaningful relationship. 

This was one of the dangers of being in such a sexy arrangement - that moment when a thin line comes into play. Where things go from being casual to feeling like a serious something. This is where the unthinkable happened... like a thief in the night, feelings emerged and I was then forced to realize my feelings for him. My gut told me he had feelings for me as well. My gut also said that although I am a committed relationship kind of girl, he will never be a committed relationship kind of guy and therein lies the problem.

How does one deal when the playing field suddenly changes? Do you try and renegotiate your arrangement? How does one even go about such a thing after setting such noncommittal ground rules? Do you sit down and try and discuss new terms under a new relationship contract or do you stop dead and center and walk away?  

As with most endeavors, there are a few lessons to be learned from this:

• There is no such thing as just a casual relationship
• Never allow your loneliness to lead you to settling
• People are who they are and believe what they tell you

It is a lot harder to get someone out of your life than it is to let them in. So take your time and choose wisely.

The Means to a Mend

No one wants to fall in love only for it to end in a deficit. As we struggle through this thing called life, we sometimes manage to surrender and let love in. When we decide to let love in, it seeps into our hearts, and like the weight of an ocean, it can break and shatter us. This can happen the moment you give love a chance. That feeling you get when you fall hard and seek your (be-all and end-all) to be filled by that SHE/HE.

I once heard, when it comes to love, it is better to walk into love rather than fall in love. This way, when the love is not right, you can simply walk away. If you fall in love, you run the risk of staying down too long and not knowing when or how to come back up - not knowing who or what to turn to, until you are left with no choice but to drown in love.

Once your heart takes over, you will feel yourself literally sink to the depths, the brink of what seems to be the point of no return, a complete abyss - entrapped by emotions and feeling broken. A state of complete darkness comes over you. Though all is dim, know that this too shall pass. The pain felt is not the end all.

Remember, just as that darkness of the night always precedes the dawn, know that light and blissful love is sure to follow after the pain. As long as there is breath in your body and a your heart still beats, you will heal and move on, even if it feels inconceivable.

This is not the end of you but, perhaps, an end of what was not meant to be. Know that the depth of that emotional abyss is not the final resting spot on your love journey. Sometimes you have to reach your lowest point, that point where you are faced without a choice, but only to move on and rise above it all. You can choose to stay at the bottom, until you simply drown, or you can gather the pearls and leave behind the pebbles and the swine. It is these very pearls that will make you stronger, more resilient, and help you see your worth.

Have faith that you can rise up and replace the darkness with the light. Transform your weakness and pain into your greatest strength, a means of growth and renewal. Understand that transformation often begins with a fall, and never regret the lesson.

I read somewhere that “The ground is where humility lives”. This is when you must seek your inner strength, inner circle, and faith to become more aware. It is only then that you will gain the needed endurance to move on. Once healed, at some point you will be forced to look back and see your own nothingness from whence you came. This will encourage you to seek the hunger for greatness. Know that if you have seen that reality, you have seen much. The one who is truly deceived and in darkness is the one who only seeks to pleasure HER/HIS own self, while simply disregarding others along the way. Deprived is the one who has never witnessed HER/HIS own need for the genuine love of another. Reliant on HER/HIS own self, SHE/HE fails to realize the weight of their actions and how it may compromise others, and everything else in existence.

Look to your faith and your inner strength to bring you back up, for the heart that you thought was forever damaged will be mended. What was shattered will be whole again. It is the belief that you can, that will allow you to do this. Keep seeking your inner strength. Constantly thinking and trying to figure out what went wrong, on the other hand, will only leave you to spend too much time regretting, feeling ashamed, and crippled with fear to love again. Don’t let the crushing waves of heartbreak prevent you from rising up. You can still rise up and breathe new air and new life, for new love can be just around the corner. Regain your sense of self and get back on the love track. Leave the pain behind you and don’t let the pain change you. You have a heart that is beautiful, lovable, and desirable for the right person. Keep these words dear and near and use them as your means to a mend.

6 Ways to Successfully Work With Your Significant Other

Sustaining a loving relationship poses challenges of it's own, much less trying to maintain a working relationship with the one you love. Hear how Rachel manages to keep things flowing in her work/love relationship:

                               On Working With Your Significant Other

Jameson and I began writing songs together after we broke up. That might sound odd, but for us it made sense. Sure, we had grievances with one another, but that didn’t mean we should have to stop hanging out!

Since then, we've gotten back together and worked through some of those grievances. At the same time, our songwriting has morphed into a full-on start-up enterprise. However, learning how to work together and be together as a couple has been no small challenge. More than once, my housemates (i.e. my parents) have heard me stomping around my room in the midst of a full-on phone tantrum.

And yet, I feel like I’ve also learned a few things.

If you’re thinking of starting a business with your significant other, here are some tips:

1. Don’t tell them their ideas suck. Just because you’re comfortable with one another, doesn’t mean you can eschew common courtesy.

2. Separate work from play. Set specific times when you’re going to work and specific times when you’re going to hang out. Oh, and constantly checking work emails during hangout time defeats the purpose.

3. Control your emotions. If something happened outside of work, leave it there. Vent to your journal, if need be, then get over it. You can’t do good work if you’re annoyed.

4. Keep your priorities in check. What’s more important to you: the product you’re creating or the person you create it with?

5. Praise one another. Too often, we don’t praise gifted people because we’re certain they already know how great they are. Not true. We all need to be encouraged in our gifts, especially artists.

6. Say thank you. Because any endeavor requires both your gifts. Because there is a lot to do and you couldn't do it without them. – r. yellen 

Guest Blogger, Rachel Yellen is a co-writer/band mate of the band Windsor.

HE Confession #3: SHE, the Bitch I Never Knew

SHE left me disenchanted. Her actions ripped my perception of who I thought SHE was to pieces. It changed my reality, our existence. SHE was unintentionally tested by me. SHE failed and, miserably I might add. SHE took what we had between us…what I thought was beyond any monetary value and, reduced us like some outdated piece of technology. 

We became a thing of yesterday…obsolete. Just like that… I sometimes watch her bask in her own delight from a distance and think oh, what a Bitch SHE is! A Bitch no doubt… Then I came to my senses and realized I’m just simply chagrined by it all. 

I’m still very much in love with the idea of who I thought SHE was.  The truth of the matter is SHE is not a bitch at all. SHE is still the same SHE that SHE always has been. A SHE I refused to initially see. Instead of continuously harboring ill feelings for her, I can now only want to wish her well. For if SHE was not being SHE I would not have been the involuntary recipient of clarity, a parting gift that SHE so graciously left. Staring at me was the true Bitch, my denial... 
Image credit: blanarum / 123RF Stock Photo

Dating 101- The True Waiting Game

It is often said you should not look for someone. You should let that someone find you. Well if everyone believed in that concept then how would anyone ever find anyone if everyone is just hoping the "ONE" is going to randomly show up? Is this person suppose to show up like some cool breeze on a hot summer night?

I mean really......If that were true why is there so much information geared towards meeting someone out there? Like how to do this or how to that tips/tricks and self help information on finding the "ONE"? Why do services like speed dating, online dating, social meet-ups and other grand schemes to help people connect with each other exist if the "ONE" is supposed to simply find you?

When you finally do meet someone that is only half the battle. Then comes more questions and uncertainties. Do you give them your number first? Do you ask for theirs? Should you wait for them to ask you for yours or should you just exchange numbers?

.......Once you have miraculously figured that out, what should you do next? Based on who has whose number, do you wait for them to call or let them do all the calling so that you can;

a.) see just how much they like or are interested in you

b.) not come off as a stalker or overly eager type

c.) play it cool and just let nature take it's course (whatever that means)

Whew! Now that you have made it past all those what ifs and you now have figured out you might be the one to initiate the first call, do you call right away or is there an official waiting (let me not look too desperate) period? Is there a daily or weekly limit on the frequency of calls that one can make? Whose responsibility is it again to maintain the communication between two people, so that both parties know that they are both interested and excited without appearing like they are doing too much?

Everyone seems to have different approaches or techniques on how things should be done or developed. Some honestly believe that these set systems they have in place actually work for them. I think not!! If that were the case half these people would be all set in the relationship department. I would love to get the answers to my many questions. Perhaps there is an unspoken dating manual out there that I'm just not aware of. I'm interested and curious to know what are some of the different dating rules that you have in place and what works for you when meeting someone?

Love in 2012

As I take a look back at the past year, I observed some trends regarding relationships between men and women. Things, I have noticed in the relationships of others as well as my own. I have been observing, interviewing and analyzing a few things about men and women when it comes to dating and relationships. It appeared to me that, the relations between men and women have reached an alarming state. No matter how I try to optimistically view things, I kept coming back to the same disappointing reality. The reality that the more you put your feelings on the line for someone or the minute you happen to show you have an ounce of care or concern regarding the other person you might as well consider that the death of the relationship that never was. What is it? Are we afraid of real love. Are we looking at love or a relationship as some sort of big bad monster or the Bogey Man?
Don't get me wrong, there is still a rare breed of She/Hes who still respond to actual positive interactions and affection. There are still a few of us out there that still respond to daily forms of affection or communication. There are even some who don't immediately perceive such frequent communication or affection as borderline stalking and start running for the hills. With all the communication vices at our finger tips, it just seems to appear that we are becoming more detached and distant from one another.
In 2012 I challenge each of you to do better in communicating with SHE/HE. I challenge you to be upfront and sincere about who you are and what you want out of your relationships, whether it be a casual one or a serious one. I challenge you to be clear and concise and leave the mixed smoke signals in 2011 where they belong along with the years before it. Remember, your interactions with others can be complicated or it can be simplistic. The energy you put into it is the energy and karma you get back and that is truly the bottom line. So if you move with love, light and positivity, the odds of you getting that in return are far greater than if you move with calculated, dark and negative intentions.
It's real simple, be what you hope for. It really does begin with you. If you didn't get the outcome you were anticipating then it's okay. It just means that the situation is not for you or it's not the right time. Let's do our part individually while working collectively to have better relations in 2012. If it didn't work for you in 2011, let it go. If it didn't yield the results or the returns you hoped for, let it go and with no bitterness and regrets either. Release and let the love in. May we have all the love and blessings that our hearts desire in 2012 and the following years to come. Happy New Year Everyone.

Searching 4 Soulmate Candidate #1 & Only

“Hello. Is this Missing Persons? I’m looking for my Soulmate have you seen him?”
According to Greek Mythology, the first humans were created with 4 arms, 4 legs, 2 noses, 2 mouths and 2 pairs of eyes. Afraid of the power, Zeus split them in half, leaving them to find the other half of themselves. These people are believed to be called Soulmates.

Yeah, so that’s what the wallpaper on my crackberry currently reads. So this should be a clear indication of my Soulmate belief system or just how intense I am about the LOVE Movement. Like the soulful singer Sade, I too am a Soldier of Love. Despite the heartbreaks or failed relationships of the past, I still believe in love and that there is someone out there for me. I believe that everyone has someone that is just right for them. So with that being said I have to start off with a few thought provoking questions as I often do.

*Do you believe in the concept of a Soulmate?

*If so is there one soulmate for everyone, or are there multiple Soulmates for everyone in the world?

*Do you believe that there is not just a romantic/intimate Soulmate?

*Do you believe that you can also have a Soulmate in a friend, a sibling or distant relative as well?

Call me a silly or a corny romantic that lives in a world that either no longer or an even worse case scenario, never existed. Call me what you want but, I however, strongly believe in the Soulmate concept. Maybe it’s like walking around with a bag full of dreams or being caught up in a romantic matrix of some sort. Perhaps I must have overdosed on the fairy tales growing up, who knows for certain how I got this way……..or maybe I was just born this way. I know many of you can identify with the feelings I’m speaking on. The feelings you get when you have met the “ONE”. The “ONE” that makes you feel like singing every love song under the sun or the “ONE” that inspires you to write a little something like this:

Blessed that you are fortunate to live long enough in this life to experience such an inexplicable feeling for that someone special, a feeling you never want to let go of.... A feeling that makes you feel a little bit stronger, a little bit more compassionate, a feeling that has the ability to transform you into a better person while all the while leaving you feeling weak or at the mercy of the other. When you have this feeling, it’s the kind of feeling that no one can dare tell you how to feel, when to feel, why to feel or even think about suggesting you end it or change it.

This feeling is the most powerful feeling ever, it'll make you do things you never thought you would, and it will make you feel better than you ever felt before. However, it can also tear you in half in a matter of seconds. This intense feeling gives you the strength to take the good with the bad and make every minute feel well worth it and well spent.

Initially his physical stature caught my eyes but, his larger than life persona is what captured and locked my heart. As crazy as it may seem, I think I loved him long before we exchanged one solitary word or glance. His presence commands a great sense of familiarity, like I have been here, or like we have met before.

When ever he looks into my eyes the poet within me cease to exist for I instantaneously become speechless, for I’m basking in moments of this sheer bliss. I feel energetic passion when he touches me, a tenderness when he holds me close, a happiness when I'm graced with his presence, even if it’s just for a minute. Often left anxiously anticipating when our eyes will meet and our smiles will give us that sense of completion. His simple, sweet, sincere words touch & uplift me. His honesty and sincerity, intrigues me. A thought of him transcends me to a serene place then leaves me with an adolescent smile on my face. The intimacy that bonds two people happened and began with the eyes and the heart, long before the physical intimacy came into play. Some things happen beyond reason, like the wonder of how my feelings for him came to be and never cease to thrive or persist.-Soleilwriter

Now, the issue with this belief system is that these feelings needs to be felt by both parties involved for it to be that true Soulmate type connection. That feeling has to be a feeling that flows naturally. It shouldn't be a feeling that one has to force or create. It shouldn't be feelings that one has to put up all resistance against or take the fight or flight approach. The feeling you get will just simply be….a feeling that comes as natural as breathing.... Again, I cannot stress enough about how mutual things have to be. If all these things are not present then what you have is a one sided illusion or a grandiose imagination of a love affair. So what one may have perceived as a fairytale connection is more like an emotional one sided, heart wrenching amusement ride that leaves you feeling unsettled and uneasy. It leaves you feeling and writing heartfelt emotions about a love that is not reciprocated or simply cannot be. Figuring out where you are in a relationship or where you stand is easier said than done. Recognizing your Soulmate and knowing if he or she is the “ONE” is also easier said than done. All you can do is have a sincere heart and pray that love will come through for you this time around. Just remember that when all that has to be said has already been said or done, there is most certainly a lesson to be learned from every experience so never regret. Everyone one you meet along the way, whether just in passing or for a whirlwind minute, just know the encounter had a purpose. Even sugarcoated and optimistically thinking me has to unwillingly (rolling my eyes every bit of the way) admit nothing lasts forever, relationships begin, and sometimes they do unfortunately come to an end even when you don't want them to. Although, I may not have done a great job of accepting or practicing this in the past, I do try to be thankful for all the people that broke my heart. With every heartbreak, one has the ability to find oneself and in that, one is certainly sure to find one’s Soulmate.

Cutting the Tomfoolery Out of Your Relationship

Why is it that we often want the one who doesn't want us or the one who is "Just Not That Into Us"? Why do we appear to fall the hardest for the one who plays it cool and acts uninterested? Do we really like or love them, or is it the challenge of getting them to want or love us back that keeps us wanting more? Is it the cat and mouse chase that keeps us anticipating that next encounter? Perhaps many of us are gluttons for punishment when it comes to matters of the heart.

A relationship of this magnitude can often leave one to feel like they are trapped in one of those insane episodes of the cartoon classic Tom & Jerry. According to Wikipedia the plot of the carton classic is described as:

The plot of each cartoon short is usually centered on Tom's frustrated attempts to catch Jerry, and the mayhem and destruction that ensue. Since Tom rarely attempts to eat Jerry and because the pair actually seem to get along in some cartoon shorts (at least in the first minute or so), it is unclear why Tom chases Jerry so much. But some reasons given may include normal feline/mouse enmity; Tom rarely succeeds in catching Jerry, mainly because of Jerry's craftiness and cunning abilities, but sometimes because of Tom's own stupidity. Tom sometimes beats Jerry, usually when Jerry becomes the instigator or when he crosses some sort of line.

This synopsis can easily be compared to the madness we often put ourselves through in the name of love or lust. At some point we have to stop the Tomfoolery and analyze things for what they are and move on to the catch that wants to be caught. Are you the Tom or the Jerry in your real life cartoon ciaos of a relationship?

500 Days of Summer, Then Comes Autumn

When it comes to breaking down the she versus he I think a definite must see is 500 Days of Summer. This movie stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Mark) and Zooey Deschanel Summer) in non-linear romantic comedy. Mark is a guy who falls head over heels in love with Summer, a girl who doesn't believe in love at first. After meeting Summer in his place of employment, he feels that two have a great deal in common. Mark is one who strongly believes in the soulmates concept. He feels she is the one. On the other hand Summer sees true love as pure fairy tales, and isn't seeking anything more than friendship. Mark is determined to win her over and show Summer that love is real and succeeds with a twist. This is a must see. Read synopsis and user comment below:

Taken from IMDB:
Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn't. This is not a love story. This is a story about love. After it looks as if she's left his life for good this time, Tom Hansen reflects back (which bad relationships often make you do) on the just over one year that he knew Summer Finn. Despite being physically average in almost every respect,Tom's adolescent sister, Rachel, who is his voice of reason(and a powerful voice of reason). After all is said and done, Tom is the one who ultimately has to make the choice to listen or not. Tom and Summer argue over whether or not love is real, with Summer saying it isn't while Tom says it is. The two agree to disagree. Rachel tells him that he should take a second look at Summer and Tom's relationship and stop ignoring the bad(something we often do in relationships and wonder how we got to this point). He realizes that there was always something Summer was holding back and kept her from truly being "in" the relationship.

User comment section on IMDB:
(500) Days of Summer is a poem to every down and out guy who thinks he's the only one whose ever been dragged through the mill by their own Summer. What undoubtedly ends up making this picture so brilliant is how relatable it is to its victims and victimizers a like. When all is said and done, there is most definitely a lesson to be learned by Tom's experiences. Everyone you meet along the way, whether just passing through or sticking around for awhile, has a purpose. In the end nothing lasts forever, relationships begin, relationships end. Try to be thankful for all the people that broke your heart, they more than likely helped you find yourself in the process …especially you, Summer…bitch

5 Suggested Tips on How to "Date" or "Court" Each Other

Whether you have just started seeing each other, newly married or a veteran at the matrimony thing, I think it is important to make time to still “Date” one another. Remember back in the day, when our elders use to actually "Court" each other? I feel it is so imperative to always try and slow down from life’s daily hustle and bustle and get that quality time in with one another. Try not to even make it an option. I feel it helps keep the relationship fresh and the communication and passion flourishing.

Here are 5 suggestions on how to continuously "Date" or "Court" each other:

Tip #1. Don’t make your date itinerary a routine or a duty either. Always try something new if possible. If unable to...switch it up a bit with a little added twist and rotate the activities or outings. Make it fun.

Tip #2. Get creative and use your imagination and resources. I do understand that this can be a difficult feat (especially when a night out with the Boys/Girls) seems more appealing. All you can really do is try to make an assertive effort and you’ll be surprise how she/he will come around and may begin to look forward to your dates.

Tip #3. Plan your date night and plan a separate night out with the Boys/Girls so that there is balance. A separate night out with ones peers is necessary from time to time.

Tip #4. If an important scheduled "Date Night" or "Boys/Girls Night" event conflicts with each other, have some leniency with one other and make a joint decision to alternate or swap days.

Tip #5. Try and do things you both like, try some of things that attracted you to each other in the first place. Also, alternate between what you like and what they like with the hopes of appreciating or understanding each others interest even more.

So those are my 5 suggested tips. Feel free to comment with tips and suggestions of your own. Lastly, be sure to have fun loving, appreciating and re-discovering each other all over again.

Discovering The Ugly Truth

When it comes to the "She Versus He" movement and my quest to help us understand each other, I found another great romantic comedy to check out called “The Ugly Truth”. Check out the movie synopsis below:

Abby Richter (Katherine Heigl) is a romantically challenged morning show producer whose search for Mr. Perfect has left her hopelessly single. She's in for a rude awakening when her bosses team her with Mike Chadway (Gerard Butler), a hardcore TV personality who promises to spill the ugly truth on what makes men and women tick.

When a Bond Has Been Compromised

In a relationship, you find someone that you trust and you consider them to be your most highly regarded confidant. You share with them some of your deepest secrets and embedded insecurities that you wouldn’t dare share with anyone else. Such a gesture does not come about by doing small act or feat either. They earned this privilege by gaining your heart and your trust over time.

Everyday isn’t always a good day between two people. The two of you may not always see eye to eye. It may even get to the point where issues and conflicts become frequent visitors in your relationship. These communication isues shouldn’t really make much a difference right? After all, they are your most cherished confidant right?

Well, what do you do when your most cherished confidant goes and compromise your trust? This often occurs as a result of anger or some emotional based revenge. The very same secrets you shared with them are now being thrown back at you to hurt you. The very same insecurities that you divulged are now being used against you. What do you do when you are constantly being undermined by this person you love? What do you do when they use words to emotionally hurt or manipulate you because they know just exactly how to do it?

Do you:

a) Try your best to work it out by figuring out the emotional root of the constant betrayal and decide to forgive and forget.

b) Do you give them a spoonful of their own emotionally fatal medicine?

c) Do you acknowledge this as emotional abuse and decide to cut your losses and let go of the emotional roller coaster?

I would love to hear your answer and see how you would handle things……..

To Sacrifice On the Strength of a Commitment

Agreeing with Nelia in her post called: The Sacrifice Myth that a relationship between two people should be an “exchange of value”. I’m sure many go into it with that preconceived notion at least. However, many are often left feeling like it was more of a sacrifice in end as a result. I particularly like the way the definition of sacrifice is defined. “A sacrifice is the decision to give up something in return for something of lower value.” This sums it up in one sentence. This is how many are often left feeling when relations end in a disarray.

Yes, one should value what the other brings to the relationship. By all means the best way to show appreciation for ones worth is by reciprocating. But, you see this is where it gets a little tricky…. It appears that there is an assortment of us that are either wired differently or perhaps got the wrong memo. There are so many failed relationships due to the fact that someone in the magnificent duo forgot to value the others worth.

Even when that happens we continue to “add to the picnic” (as Nelia cleverly put it) with the hopes that things will change and get better. This often leaves us anticipating that our partner “will bring something to the picnic that we will finally enjoy” in other words changes for the better or evolve into relationship material.

So here are a few questions to ponder on:

When you love someone should you just give up after constantly coming up short at the picnic? Should one keep bringing the goods for the sake of sacrifice and the commitment to the relationship? Should one keep doing and hope the other will learn by example and eventually catch on? Should one just cut their losses and find a new picnic partner? Now, if one does that then does one run the risk of possible negative relationship patterns like mentioned in the above post. The risk of ending up with someone from that assortment of us that are either wired differently or perhaps got the wrong memo.

The Putrid Effect of an Ego

He loves me …he loves me not…She loves me…she loves me not. Many of us are not just sitting back picking petals off of a beautiful flower, wondering if the one who has enthralled our hearts truly loves us or not. The more prevalent question that seems to be demanding an immediate answer is just exactly how much. To what dept or degree does this pertinent individual actual love and feel for one? This I must say is a question that everyone has had to ask at some given point in a relationship. It doesn't matter who you are, where you are, if you are a man or a woman you must have had to ask yourselves this very same question. Actually some of us may find ourselves asking this question far too often, more so than we would actually like to.

Different things can spark or bring on the doubts and questions. Often our expectations of others lead us to doubt those we love and those that love us. Especially, when we feel that the people we love are falling short of what we feel they should be doing or bringing to the relationship. When in actuality it is often our past experiences that bring us to the brink. The brink of getting so caught up that we are just left standing with our insecurities and uncertainties to comfort us instead the person we love.

Another villain in relationships is our egos. Egos can be so huge and fatal that it can rob a relationship of its splendor and essence. An ego has the power to blind, mute, deaf and cause temporary memory loss in a relationship. An ego can cause you to no longer see what made you love the person in the first place. An ego can cause momentary loss of speech. When a simple sorry or I love you is needed an ego can silence one and prevent the words from coming out or ever being heard. An ego can make your partners words become some irrelevant like, annoying background noise that you just don’t want to hear anymore. The damage of an ego can be so grave that it causes one to forget why it all even mattered in the first place.

Now with the new found understanding of just how severe an ego can be to a relationship, don’t let it be a hindrance in yours. After all this is the person one truly loves right? Why can’t one just let all guards down, break all barriers and just simply be? No egos, no attitudes and insecurities allowed…It begins with us first and our love ones will follow. Just release and just be with and have the love that one was meant to have!