HE Confession #2: What SHE Needs to Realize

I was recently invited to join this fascinating group on Facebook called "Honest Announcements". This group is described as a forum for grown, mature members who want to share their life experiences with others. The topics we often touch on are about love, relationships and oh yes, sex! The moderator states that the average age group is over 30 so therefore the topics are best described as insightful, thought provoking and brutally honest. I have to say it has definitely been all of the before mentioned. While perusing through I found a "HE" perspective I thought I'd share.

WRITTEN BY A GUY : Girls need to realize: We guys don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it makes us mad. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there. We don't care if a guy calls;OR TEXT you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. That it can't wait till the morning. Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Yeah, you can quote me. Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood I'm in. Let us pay for you! don't 'feel bad' We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say 'thank you. Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed. You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for who you are and not what you are. Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up. Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily. Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don't talk about how hot Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful' i'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/cutie/sexy' or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand I'm not sayin I wouldn't like it ether. Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, don't wait for him to change! Ditch his sorry butt, disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes and say 'i love you' and actually mean it. Give the nice guys a chance. Guys re-post this if you agree. Girls re-post this if you think it's cute.. Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will re-post this. Life is too short to complain about everything that comes your way so stop and smell the roses in life because you might never have another time to take it, so take your time because they are all different in every way, so take chances in life, if it doesn't work out then fine, there are always more roses to smell.

HE Confession #1:When a Man Is In Love

Love can be fun, great, or make you hurt profusely, but love is a term that used too loosely. When does a man know he's in love? Is it in his silence of her or the things he speaks of? A man knows he's in love without a shadow of a doubt when he's away from her and he can't be without. Without the warmth of her body, the sound of her voice, that leaves him in a trance. If she was a mountain of love he would be satisfied with a stone of romance. A man knows he's in love when it's not all about money, games, and fun. It's when he realizes he has a Jet Li and she is the ONE.....

The Truth That "HE" May Never Tell You

I often anticipate and invite more participation from our “HE” readers. After all, the whole purpose of this blog is so that we can better understand one another when it comes to relationships. Being that I’m a woman I try my best not to get too wrapped up in giving the “SHE” perspective that, somehow I end up leaving the “HE” perspective wavering in the wind. As I continue to remain active in the “Love Movement” I often come across many fascinating blogs that I cannot just simply pass by without mention.

Okay all my “SHEs”, I know many of you are always wondering what‘s going on with “HE”? Why is “HE” behaving the way HE is? If only one knew what “HE” was thinking or feeling about the relationship. Why did "HE" end things the way HE did? Well, I think I have stumbled upon one of the golden secrets of a man’s heart and mentality. Please read below as a "HE" Blogger gives his account on why men often grow cold and shut down at the mere thought of love.

Open Letter: We Confess, We Men Are Afraid of Love

Dear Women:

We hope this letter finds you held securely by the arms of true Love. Love is a beautiful thing. Yet, we hope you realize how difficult it was for the man in your life to fall in Love with you and quite possibly, how difficult it is for him to be in Love with you. Love is difficult for us men. Why? Well, to be honest, Love scares us. We confess it here and now, we men are afraid of Love.

We are especially afraid that we will leap into the abyss of Love first but you will never join us. That we will fall blindly into Love and you will not be there to catch us, to guide us. Most importantly, we fear giving up control. We fear losing ourselves in an emotion we do not fully understand. An emotion that controls us rather than us controlling it.

No man wants to feel like he is falling in Love with you before you are falling in Love with him. And yes, we recognize the hypocrisy of that statement. We still stand by it. We recognize that we are asking you to sacrifice emotionally before us, for us, even if we have not fully demonstrated that you should do so beforehand. cont. here

Love Expiration

There comes a time when two people have to realize that the expiration date between them is now progressively upon them. When one has to look back and assess the entire relationship and truly analyze if what one has between them is really real or worth it anymore. Is one living a lie? Is that magic really over and is there absolutely no hope of rekindling the relationship? Could it be that one has finally realized that they are never on the same page with SHE/HE about anything anymore? One might be saying and wanting one thing while the other may be desiring something totally different?

Sometimes couples find or think that it is simply easier to agree to disagree or go down the infamous silent treatment route. Living a mundane life like this with someone is sure to have a stifling effect on ones spirits. Many fail to realize that people simply grow apart. This is the point where it is vital to take a second look at your relationship and stop ignoring the bad or what is simply not good or working anymore regarding the two of you. This is something we often do in relationships and wonder how we got here. How did one get to this no man’s land of total disconnect where each day one is left feeling like you are just going through the motions, almost feeling like one is not really living or being one’s full self or potential. It’s like being in a situation that is no longer right, like living in a monotonous hell or emotional prison. It creeps up on you like some sort of depression or frustration that you cannot seem to put into words. This is where you have to ask yourself a few more questions:

*What exactly is holding or keeping the both of you together?

*Is it the love for each other, family and finances that's keeping you there or is it simply a force of habit or the creature of comfort?

*Could it be that one is afraid to exist and not coexist?

*Do you feel that the glue that held you both together is unraveling at lightning speed?

*Do you feel that there was always something your partner was holding back and kept him/her from truly being “in” the relationship you deserve or vice versa?

It’s important to ask oneself these questions when such feelings are racing through one’s mind on a day to day basis. Life is too short to live in this manner. One owes it to oneself and one’s mate to be the best that they can be and demand that it be reciprocated in return. Perhaps things are not as bad as one might believe. Perhaps it is just a matter of sorting through all those misunderstandings and believing in the value of the relationship by first figuring out where one first went wrong. Like putting on the rose colored glasses for the betterment of your love investment, like revaluating as well as working hard to rebuild one’s relationship.

If one feels that they have done all there is to mentally and physically do, then it’s time to recognize that it is imperative one loves themselves and their significant other enough to know when it’s time to let go. It does not mean that we are a failure or that we failed one another. Sometimes we have to admit that it truly does happen to the best of us. Don’t allow guilt to stagnate the long overdue decision. Love one another enough to recognize one’s love expiration.

Social Networking and the Relationship Upheaval

In the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" Drew Barrymore's character says:

"I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work. So I called him at home. Then he emailed me to my blackberry and so I text it to his cell. Now, you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by 7 different technologies....It's exhausting."

It’s true; relationships between men and women can be complicated enough. Then you add in the modern technologies of voicemails, emails, texting along with social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, and then things can really get complicated.

I have a few questions to ask once again. I really need your insight on this one. By you leaving your 2 cents on this you wont believe how you maybe helping others, including myself. Here goes:

*If you’re married/in a relationship how you do handle the status situation on social networking sites?

*How do handle opposite sex “friends”, their friend request or comments on social networking sites?

*Should married/in a relationship couples get a joint social networking account?

*Do you have a problem with him/her having access to your cell phone?

*Do you think it is o.k. for a guy/girl in new relationship to text constantly when they can simply call? (I’m talking get to know you long, continuous text).

*Should someone end a relationship via email or text?

*Is it o.k. to find out what your significant other is thinking or really feeling about through his/her status or tweet along with everyone else?

*How do handle password situations?

*How should couples handle all the social movement and its technology?

Many couples have different views on these questions that often end up in bitter arguments. These are just a few questions for now. Some of my questions may sound silly but, these questions seem to be the center of hot topics as well as heated arguments with many couples of late. Feel free to add your question and please, leave your comments.

Cutting the Tomfoolery Out of Your Relationship

Why is it that we often want the one who doesn't want us or the one who is "Just Not That Into Us"? Why do we appear to fall the hardest for the one who plays it cool and acts uninterested? Do we really like or love them, or is it the challenge of getting them to want or love us back that keeps us wanting more? Is it the cat and mouse chase that keeps us anticipating that next encounter? Perhaps many of us are gluttons for punishment when it comes to matters of the heart.

A relationship of this magnitude can often leave one to feel like they are trapped in one of those insane episodes of the cartoon classic Tom & Jerry. According to Wikipedia the plot of the carton classic is described as:

The plot of each cartoon short is usually centered on Tom's frustrated attempts to catch Jerry, and the mayhem and destruction that ensue. Since Tom rarely attempts to eat Jerry and because the pair actually seem to get along in some cartoon shorts (at least in the first minute or so), it is unclear why Tom chases Jerry so much. But some reasons given may include normal feline/mouse enmity; Tom rarely succeeds in catching Jerry, mainly because of Jerry's craftiness and cunning abilities, but sometimes because of Tom's own stupidity. Tom sometimes beats Jerry, usually when Jerry becomes the instigator or when he crosses some sort of line.

This synopsis can easily be compared to the madness we often put ourselves through in the name of love or lust. At some point we have to stop the Tomfoolery and analyze things for what they are and move on to the catch that wants to be caught. Are you the Tom or the Jerry in your real life cartoon ciaos of a relationship?

500 Days of Summer, Then Comes Autumn

When it comes to breaking down the she versus he I think a definite must see is 500 Days of Summer. This movie stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Mark) and Zooey Deschanel Summer) in non-linear romantic comedy. Mark is a guy who falls head over heels in love with Summer, a girl who doesn't believe in love at first. After meeting Summer in his place of employment, he feels that two have a great deal in common. Mark is one who strongly believes in the soulmates concept. He feels she is the one. On the other hand Summer sees true love as pure fairy tales, and isn't seeking anything more than friendship. Mark is determined to win her over and show Summer that love is real and succeeds with a twist. This is a must see. Read synopsis and user comment below:

Taken from IMDB:
Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn't. This is not a love story. This is a story about love. After it looks as if she's left his life for good this time, Tom Hansen reflects back (which bad relationships often make you do) on the just over one year that he knew Summer Finn. Despite being physically average in almost every respect,Tom's adolescent sister, Rachel, who is his voice of reason(and a powerful voice of reason). After all is said and done, Tom is the one who ultimately has to make the choice to listen or not. Tom and Summer argue over whether or not love is real, with Summer saying it isn't while Tom says it is. The two agree to disagree. Rachel tells him that he should take a second look at Summer and Tom's relationship and stop ignoring the bad(something we often do in relationships and wonder how we got to this point). He realizes that there was always something Summer was holding back and kept her from truly being "in" the relationship.

User comment section on IMDB:
(500) Days of Summer is a poem to every down and out guy who thinks he's the only one whose ever been dragged through the mill by their own Summer. What undoubtedly ends up making this picture so brilliant is how relatable it is to its victims and victimizers a like. When all is said and done, there is most definitely a lesson to be learned by Tom's experiences. Everyone you meet along the way, whether just passing through or sticking around for awhile, has a purpose. In the end nothing lasts forever, relationships begin, relationships end. Try to be thankful for all the people that broke your heart, they more than likely helped you find yourself in the process …especially you, Summer…bitch

Harsh Cheating Punishment…You Decide.

I had to put a quick post in for this one...(lol). Imagine if one cheated and this how one had to sorry in this manner. I guess this is something to make many think twice.

My Spin On "The Ugly Truth"

I finally saw "The Ugly Truth". I really enjoyed this romantic comedy because, like this blog it explores relationships and the different ways men and women see things. I know some people feel romantic comedies are often not a good reflection of real life relationships. (Some men absolutely detest them…lol!) Nonetheless, I honestly think Hollywood is getting better at removing some of the perfection and happily ever after fluff and replacing it with true portrayals of real relationship issues that couples face every day.

After watching the movie I left pondering on these thoughts: He/She needs to be who they really are in the beginning of a relationship. Don’t try and become this character or facade in order to get him/her. If one enters a relationship pretending to be something they are not then, most likely one will spend most of their time feeling like they not only cheated themselves but their mate as well. With time, one will not be happy being the person they've become. As the real them begins to seep out, he/she will be left dissatisfied with the real you. When it comes to matters of the heart one should be truthful with their partners about what they want and their expectations in the begining. Surprisingly one may just end up with someone who actually likes them for who they truly are. So that's my spin on "the Ugly Truth" without any spoilers ;-)

Relationship Limbo on the Road to Where?

Here's two neat, yet simplistic videos that touches on topics that many of us who are in tumultuous relationships seem to keep pondering on from time to time. You see, when two people are together, and they say they love each other but, seem to be at war more often than at peace. When you have a situation where it appears to be more bickering and frustration than a real loving exchange. It can be very much like the "War of the Roses" or a "Thin Line Between Love & Hate". Often refusing to communicate, refusing to listen or compromise. Often wondering what is the glue that keeps you together and is that bond worth all the pain and frustration.



A few questions to brew on:

*Why stay together if one is not willing to make changes for the better?

*Why make each other miserable if neither one is willing to live up to each others expectations of each other?

*Why is it so easy for one to only see their pain but not the pain they inflict on the other?

If you find yourself at a crossroads and you still feel stuck and you need a little help along the way please be sure to read: A Means to a Mend

5 Suggested Tips on How to "Date" or "Court" Each Other

Whether you have just started seeing each other, newly married or a veteran at the matrimony thing, I think it is important to make time to still “Date” one another. Remember back in the day, when our elders use to actually "Court" each other? I feel it is so imperative to always try and slow down from life’s daily hustle and bustle and get that quality time in with one another. Try not to even make it an option. I feel it helps keep the relationship fresh and the communication and passion flourishing.

Here are 5 suggestions on how to continuously "Date" or "Court" each other:

Tip #1. Don’t make your date itinerary a routine or a duty either. Always try something new if possible. If unable to...switch it up a bit with a little added twist and rotate the activities or outings. Make it fun.

Tip #2. Get creative and use your imagination and resources. I do understand that this can be a difficult feat (especially when a night out with the Boys/Girls) seems more appealing. All you can really do is try to make an assertive effort and you’ll be surprise how she/he will come around and may begin to look forward to your dates.

Tip #3. Plan your date night and plan a separate night out with the Boys/Girls so that there is balance. A separate night out with ones peers is necessary from time to time.

Tip #4. If an important scheduled "Date Night" or "Boys/Girls Night" event conflicts with each other, have some leniency with one other and make a joint decision to alternate or swap days.

Tip #5. Try and do things you both like, try some of things that attracted you to each other in the first place. Also, alternate between what you like and what they like with the hopes of appreciating or understanding each others interest even more.

So those are my 5 suggested tips. Feel free to comment with tips and suggestions of your own. Lastly, be sure to have fun loving, appreciating and re-discovering each other all over again.

I'm Not the Expert Just an Apprentice of Love

This is how I started off one of my twitter updates today: "Just because one likes to have grown up conversations about relationships doesn't mean one is implying that they are an expert on the topic". Let me tell you what prompted me to state that….

My Beau and I were having a conversation about this here blog. By the way I am still trying to get him to join in on some of the discussions the way Hank and Nelia did on their blog. Maybe even do a dual couple blog like mr. nichols and his wife do on their blogs. But, perhaps he is internet shy because he sure has a lot to say otherwise….lol.

Anyways back to what I was saying. I said to him that I by no means am trying or professing to be a relationship expert. I was married for a little bit over over 15 years and had my share of both good and bad. I also have been the one that many girlfriends and (strangers in the grocery store go figure) seek for advice on all sorts of things but, still I am not an expert, for I am learning and trying to find my way everyday. I too often seek the comfort of picking the brains of others for further insight on my personal situations.

With this blog I would like to be viewed as more of a Moderator more than anything else. It is just as I said in my blog description; I really want to focus on relationships between Men and Women and the issues they face daily. I hope that this exchange of different views brings further understanding to both men and women.

So yes, I optimistically would like the end result to bring forth increased unity as well as harmony amongst the sexes. I too want to selfishly benefit from these discussions and grow as a person as well as in my relationship with my Beau. So unlike many of the she versus he discussions that generally creates division amongst the sexes, hopefully we will have a reverse effect here at she versus he.