Is "HE" Cheating on "SHE" via Social Media?

Hello my wonderful SHE & HEs. I was contacted by the casting office of Relativity Television. They appear to be some of the same people behind the hit show "Catfish". They currently are working on a show that some may find relatable or interesting.  It is based on women who think their boyfriend or husbands are cheating on them “ONLINE” through social media.  

Apparently this is a huge problem that has become more prevalent in today’s relationships, yet few people are publicly discussing it. Currently they are working on the first therapy show that will tackle these types of relationship issues.  

This is not supposed to be a sleazy talk show; it’s going to be a one hour special on a major cable network. The host will be Dr. Ramani., a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor of Psychology. She's known to have a passion for helping others to live their happiest and healthiest lives. If interested in participating refer to the contact information listed.

SHE Confession #2: Another Missed Connection

So I recently met someone. I was ecstatic initially because he appeared to have a vast majority of the qualities that my "Mr Right For Me" was supposed to have. I felt all the bells and whistles go off so I felt like making a public announcement "SHE may have found a man at last!" But....just before I could approve this message, update my relationship status on Facebook or tweet to my followers, I immediately realized this notion was short lived......

When it comes to attraction, surely there is an abundance of eye candy to satisfy ones satiable cravings if need be. However, how rare is it to come across the "ONE" that actually moves you? I'm not just talking about lust here. I'm talking about the kind of person that speaks to your inner spirit, at least that is what I thought. Trust me, it takes a special/unique person to reach or tap into that inner abyss. That inner abyss, that I call my inner spirit might have been off, hallucinating or something because I really thought I was picking up on some serious vibes from HE.

In actuality I was not. I was just running full speed on my emotions and need to fulfill a void I so desire. Well, thank goodness for friends who know you well and can help you reality check yourself from time to time when your sensors are completely off. Anyways, after sharing my situation with two of my closest SHEs, I got instant clarity and had the biggest epiphany! Everything that was being exchanged between HE and I was one sided. There is no mystery here in trying to figure out which side it was that was doing the most exchanges.

You see both my SHE friends help me see that I was carrying feelings from my last attempt at a pseudo relationship into the present situation, needless to say it wasn't cute. So, as an end result I had to do some reflecting, be honest with that SHE in the mirror. I had to see things for what they really are, a one way street headed to nowhere. I had to cut my losses while the getting was good or before the getting got too good, so to speak.

Do I still think of HE at times? Yes. Do I still hope sometimes that HE will see the effervescent light and come around? Yes. However, what I'm no longer doing is being the Gigi character from the movie (He's Not That Into You) waiting for HE to call or hoping to run into HE. I'm not sitting amongst other SHEs trying to over analyze why HE did this, why HE didn't do that or the worst, make excuses for things in an attempt to make oneself feel better. I will adapt one thing from the Gigi character, never to give up on finding love.

Pivotal scene from He's Not That Into You:

Alex: Then, wh...why would you do this? [He's upset and rubs his head.] Oh, sh|t. Why do women do this? Why do they build this stuff up in their minds, take each little thing a guy does and, and, and then twist it into something else...? It's insane! 

[He walks away.]  [There's a long silence between them.]

Gigi: I'd rather be like that than be like you.

Alex: [He walks back to talk to her.] Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?

Gigi: [She stands up and turns to face him.] I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there too much but...at least that means I still care. And, oh, you think you've won because women are...are expendable to you? And you may not get...get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way, but you don't fall in love that way, either. You have not won; you're alone, Alex! [She grabs her coat and storms to the door, starting to cry.] I may do a lot of stupid sh|t but I know I'm a lot closer to finding someone than you are. [She leaves briskly leaving Alex alone.]

She Versus He Goes .Com

Hello faithful followers! I just wanted to announce that there will be a few new things on the horizon for SHE Versus HE. First I want to announce that SHE Versus HE has now got it's permanent home at: http://www.sheversushe.com There are several updates and changes underway so I thank you for your patience. However, many of you are still welcome to come to the blog for post updates. I also would like to invite you follow on facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/sheversushe You can follow me personally on twitter. Please be sure to check back for upcoming post. I have a few interesting topics to share with you, it is surely going to be captivating and thought provoking as ever so don't say I didn't warn you. Until the next episode.....

Ramblings in the Name of “Companionship

Here is a “SHE” Confession that I came across and wanted to share with you all. In this confession, I’m sure that there are some readers that might be able to identify with this piece at some point or another. You may be experiencing these very same situations in your current relationship or lack of thereof. This “SHE” writer, is a talented and expressive writer, who has the ability to really take you where she's coming from. She does this through a series of pieces called the “Confessions of an Insomniac“that she often shares with her Facebook friends. I love her heartfelt; let’s keep it real, style of writing. “SHE” was kind enough to allow me to spot light the full confession here. Proceed below for the“Rambling in the name of “Companionship Confession, Episode 74”:

Confessions of an Insomniac: Episode 74

by Ms. Nakki on Sunday, August 28, 2011 at 10:16 pm

It’s not a secret, at least to me, that I've been discontent with this long-distance thing. I've had a bad history with long distance relationships…apparently. Third time a charm? Ahhhh….NO.


Although my rational mind says that what happens is supposed to happen, my heart aches and right now, I’m in need of companionship. Not the kind that my Sorors, home girls, and home boys provide. Not the kind that I can get simply by making a phone call, either…

There’s nothing wrong with wanting the companionship of someone that moves the mind, heart, and body. That is what I want…and I can’t have it with 700 miles in between. Holding hands every 6 months does NOT a relationship make!

I ask myself over and over again if THIS is what I get for the decisions that I've made in life. I go through the what ifs and the shoulda, coulda, woulda scenarios more than I care to count. I've been patient. I've mastered the art of dating myself…I've gotten myself so many gifts, I dare someone else to get me something that I don’t already have. I sing to myself, I take myself out to dinner, I hold my own damned hands when it’s cold. I open the door for myself; I call myself beautiful and toss back my head so that the sun can give me a kiss good morning. All day, every day.

I’m not desperate because I've made what I want and feel that I need public. I’m not afraid to say that I want or need a man. That doesn't mean that I’m standing around the corner waiting for some aloof guy to come, so that I could jump on him. I’m not going out in the streets looking like I belong in a circus (or in a stage play for the ones that are disillusioned about how their make-up looks), or like I should be in some type of erotic showcase. It’s not me…AND, I’d never want a man to accuse me of tricking him because he woke up next to me and my wig was on the lamp shade. No offense to my wig-wearing friends…but I’m just me, no frills. Plain Jane.

I don’t even want to hear about my “No Frilliness” being the PROBLEM… I know a lot of married women who are no-frills. They didn't need embellishment for someone to profess his love in such a way that he wanted her as his life’s partner. So, make up, high heels, and more revealing clothing is not a necessity to be a “fish that’s not tossed back”. Steve Harvey said that…the analogy is so fitting. Dating is a fishing excursion…are you the keeper or are you the one that gets tossed back into the water? He doesn't discuss the ones that were kept and were poisoned or decaying inside – are those the divorcees or the exes? I digress.

He told me that he’s noticed that I've been pulling away from him. Conversations are not as “easy”, I’m not as talkative or funny, I don’t sound as if I’m glad to hear from him anymore. Lord knows that I can’t keep my feelings bottled up and YES, things have changed. I got that although THIS is something he never expected – falling in love; he doesn't know how to integrate it into his current structure of life. No more taking in the evenings unless he’s running an errand – he doesn't want his daughter to hear him on the phone – she’ll automatically know that he’s talking to a woman. (I can't rationalize that yet...she's 16, not 6!) When he runs those errands and is out and about alone, he sees it as a chance to catch up, albeit briefly. He forgets that there’s someone on the phone that expects and wants his undivided attention: “Can I get a spinach wrap with extra cheese?!” Ok…now what were you saying? “How much?!” Sorry, hold on, ok. I’m back… KETCHUP Ma’aM, please!” OK, ok… “Let me call you back, my parents (my brother, my daughter) are calling”.

And because of these competing priorities, somehow text messaging has become an acceptable manner for conversation. No Thanks…don’t want to kill myself (or anyone else) because I’m trying to converse with you via text message. YES, this meeting is terribly boring, but must I blow my cover by texting entire conversations?! I have arthritis and sometimes my fingers hurt.

I never wanted him to make a choice…I wanted him to learn how to reconcile all of these components of his life: daughter, parents, brother, me. Reconcilable. The thing is…that I can’t do the reconciling… I told him that he doesn't have to choose…EITHER/OR doesn't exist in this situation. There was always the understanding that we're both "package deals". The choice is whether or not he wants to reconcile me with his family. There are not 2 families and I don’t have to be a secret. Perhaps I'm asking for too much and my expectations are misplaced...grasping for straws here.

So, I’m simply “chillin”. Coolin out. Whatever is whatever. When he’s figured out how to reconcile all that is going on in his life, I may be available. Yes, I love him and I love me. If he cannot give me what I’ve articulated to be my basic need…then why am I still pretending that it will change? I am pretending when we talk about the future… I’m pretending like it’s something that I can see on the horizon…I can – that little sailboat that doesn't have wind to push it home. While I chill, my options remain open.
Ramblings in the name of “companionship”…

Social Networking and the Relationship Upheaval

In the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" Drew Barrymore's character says:

"I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work. So I called him at home. Then he emailed me to my blackberry and so I text it to his cell. Now, you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by 7 different technologies....It's exhausting."

It’s true; relationships between men and women can be complicated enough. Then you add in the modern technologies of voicemails, emails, texting along with social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, and then things can really get complicated.

I have a few questions to ask once again. I really need your insight on this one. By you leaving your 2 cents on this you wont believe how you maybe helping others, including myself. Here goes:

*If you’re married/in a relationship how you do handle the status situation on social networking sites?

*How do handle opposite sex “friends”, their friend request or comments on social networking sites?

*Should married/in a relationship couples get a joint social networking account?

*Do you have a problem with him/her having access to your cell phone?

*Do you think it is o.k. for a guy/girl in new relationship to text constantly when they can simply call? (I’m talking get to know you long, continuous text).

*Should someone end a relationship via email or text?

*Is it o.k. to find out what your significant other is thinking or really feeling about through his/her status or tweet along with everyone else?

*How do handle password situations?

*How should couples handle all the social movement and its technology?

Many couples have different views on these questions that often end up in bitter arguments. These are just a few questions for now. Some of my questions may sound silly but, these questions seem to be the center of hot topics as well as heated arguments with many couples of late. Feel free to add your question and please, leave your comments.