In a relationship, you find someone that you trust and you consider them to be your most highly regarded confidant. You share with them some of your deepest secrets and embedded insecurities that you wouldn’t dare share with anyone else. Such a gesture does not come about by doing small act or feat either. They earned this privilege by gaining your heart and your trust over time.Everyday isn’t always a good day between two people. The two of you may not always see eye to eye. It may even get to the point where issues and conflicts become frequent visitors in your relationship. These communication isues shouldn’t really make much a difference right? After all, they are your most cherished confidant right?
Well, what do you do when your most cherished confidant goes and compromise your trust? This often occurs as a result of anger or some emotional based revenge. The very same secrets you shared with them are now being thrown back at you to hurt you. The very same insecurities that you divulged are now being used against you. What do you do when you are constantly being undermined by this person you love? What do you do when they use words to emotionally hurt or manipulate you because they know just exactly how to do it?
Do you:
a) Try your best to work it out by figuring out the emotional root of the constant betrayal and decide to forgive and forget.
b) Do you give them a spoonful of their own emotionally fatal medicine?
c) Do you acknowledge this as emotional abuse and decide to cut your losses and let go of the emotional roller coaster?
I would love to hear your answer and see how you would handle things……..
I have to be honest. I know the ideal pick would be A and I do try to take that approach. But sometimes, I veer toward C. I have low tolerance for certain things so if I feel trust has been violated past the point of what I can tolerate (I'm human), I cut them off. No need for conversation. Done. But as I continue to grow, I want to get to the point where I definitely am doing more A than C.
ReplyDeleteI really respect your answer. In a perfect world one should veer towards handling things with option (a). Often human nature does kick in and tells us to protect our hearts and go with option (c). For the sake of healing, forgiveness and personal growth option (a) is the best way to handle things. However, sometimes the circumstance of the relationship forces you to see that cutting your losses is perhaps truly your best option.
ReplyDeletethat is also true Karine. you're absolutely right. to add to that, i think that even in those times when option C is the best option, we should strive to do it in a way that's not vindictive or out of spite, but just to say "we need to go our separate ways" and then part.
ReplyDeleteKarine - this is tricky. Having been in an emotionally abusive relationship before it can be soul destroying. My view is cut your losses and run! However, only YOU know when enough is enough.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I woke up one morning, packed my bag and left, there was no further discussion. The time had been and gone - after all, there are only so many times you can try and reason things out.
When you woke up that very morning, I feel you were awaken by an internal voice that gave you the clarity and courage to do what was best for you. I am sure you have thought about doing it several times before but simply couldn’t. But in life there comes a time where you finally get the valor to do what is ideal for your given situation. Regardless of what others may expect of you or think is best. It is good to hear you are in a better place now.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm in the same boat as Mr. Nichols...I have a low tolerance for mistreatment...call it years of dating the wrong men. Now I know my worth, and if trust is broken, in my mind, there's no going back.
ReplyDeleteI think most would agree with you and Mr. Nichols. I would agree with you given the circumstances. However, I am afraid if we, as both men and women, continue to have little patience for one another the end result will be just that “another failed relationship”. I’m not saying that you must continue to deal with situations that are detrimental to your peace of mind or heart. I just feel that men and women need to increase their tolerance and understanding skills for one another. This is vital for the survival and the longevity of the relationship. Hopefully the end result will be more lasting relationships as oppose to a list of failed ones. Thanks for sharing Marty.
ReplyDeleteOption C. No question about it. And the reason? Option A contained the words "constant betrayal." If a man is constantly betraying me, he either doesn't value my worth or doesn't know how to appreciate my worth. In either case, that's not my issue but his. And he can figure resolve his own issues on his own time.
ReplyDeleteTotally understood Nelia, when enough is enough sometimes you just have to do what's necessary. Thanks for being a frequent visitor. I always love stopping by your blog and seeing what’s new.
ReplyDeleteThe pleasure is all mine!
ReplyDeleteI am going through the same crisis ! I am made to see my mistakes everytime, even if the problem is very little! I want to but I can't get out. I guess I am weak.
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