SHE Confession # 11: Break Up Etiquette

 I've noticed that sometimes men will take measures to inhibit a woman's emotional response to a breakup which I think is neither appropriate nor fair to the woman. Here's my story, I hope all who have been in this same position will relate and appreciate. I had been dating this guy for about a year and he decided to drop the bomb in the middle of a dinner date at a fine dining restaurant. I quickly realized how he had "choreographed" everything by choosing such a venue so that I would restrain my emotions, and even took additional steps, like picking a table in the middle of the room rather than a more private space. So, I turned the tables on him in a big way. First I ordered the most expensive desserts on the menu, one for each of us. Having a degree in the Theatre Arts, I figured I'd make good use of those skills by staging a dramatic exit complete with a fabricated I exclaimed "I can't believe you've been cheating on me all this time!”  And then I stood up, reached across the table and delivered a hard slap across his face that was heard throughout the room. I had the presence of mind to remove his glasses just before administering the slap so they wouldn't go flying across the room upon impact. (He never did thank me for that) There was complete silence in the immediate aftermath and all you could hear was the sound of my high heels hitting the hardwood floor as I stormed off.  I wonder if he ever ate those desserts I ordered ;-) Stephanie Nguyen

SHE Confession #7: I Just Can't Anymore

I'm not feeling this between us anymore. I have been let down and disregarded so many times in my past and now you too... Was it naive of me to think you were incapable of doing the same? I guess...I have tried my best to always be there for you when you needed someone to talk to, someone to care or just simply be there. You know it really wasn't no task at all, for I hung onto every word that you so much as even uttered from your beautiful lips.

I thought I had the same in you but, in return you disappointed me… You fell out of my life once again. You checked out once more. As life with me became too much for you to bear you just simply stopped calling. Not once did you seem to care what was going on with me. What you had going on was all that seem to truly matter anyways.

Loving you was a certainty that I would be there. I respected your need to do things differently and handle things your own way. At the same time your actions forced me to realize what works for me and this one-way surely doesn't anymore. Walking out of my life and strolling back when it is conducive for you…really?

During your hiatus I reached out to you because I needed you, I needed someone to talk to, someone to just listen with care… Instead you were nowhere to be found because, you were busy doing you. This last time you showed up expecting to get back in, back to when we were at our ultimate high. I just simply can't keep doing this again and again, I just can no longer do us. Not because I don't love you anymore. Hell, I still do...maybe even more. I just can't endure the pain anymore. This whole thing has got me so weak...I can't foresee me ever trusting you as I once did and that is why I just can't anymore.  

HE Confession #3: SHE, the Bitch I Never Knew

SHE left me disenchanted. Her actions ripped my perception of who I thought SHE was to pieces. It changed my reality, our existence. SHE was unintentionally tested by me. SHE failed and, miserably I might add. SHE took what we had between us…what I thought was beyond any monetary value and, reduced us like some outdated piece of technology. 

We became a thing of yesterday…obsolete. Just like that… I sometimes watch her bask in her own delight from a distance and think oh, what a Bitch SHE is! A Bitch no doubt… Then I came to my senses and realized I’m just simply chagrined by it all. 

I’m still very much in love with the idea of who I thought SHE was.  The truth of the matter is SHE is not a bitch at all. SHE is still the same SHE that SHE always has been. A SHE I refused to initially see. Instead of continuously harboring ill feelings for her, I can now only want to wish her well. For if SHE was not being SHE I would not have been the involuntary recipient of clarity, a parting gift that SHE so graciously left. Staring at me was the true Bitch, my denial... 
Image credit: blanarum / 123RF Stock Photo

Are You Struggling with a Natural Addiction?

I came across an interesting blog post by a popular Atlanta Gossip Blogger by the name of Sandra Rose. I don't always agree with Sandra or what she has to say but, I admire her for having the guts to say or express what she feels. In that respect, many of us could take a page from her book because we all know how keeping stuff in is such a killer.....I will address that in another post...focus, focus! 

Anyways, this particular post caught my attention because it's one of those post that although familiar information, it causes bells to go off or better yet an epiphany to occur. In this piece Sandra addresses how many of us who may feel we are living a drug free life may be shocked to realize just how far from reality that is. Many of us have a natural drug addiction and we don't even realize it. If you think you might fit the bill click here. .....seeking possible rehab options as you read on.

SHE Confession #1: Online Dating on POF

I was asked by one of my fishy suitors what my process was for selecting a catch on the POF (Plenty of Fish) dating site was and it left me to thinking about whether or not I even had a process. I actually never thought or looked at it as a process before but, I guess I had in fact had one. Perhaps I can share with you all what my methodology was. You see generally when I get an inbox message. I would first look at the profile pics to determine if there is an attraction or any subtle or overt hints of insanity present :-)

(I know it was a tad bit shallow and perhaps overly cautious, forgive me). Then I moved down to look at the basic descriptors and read what he had written on the profile. If his profile spoke to me (a vibe thing) or something about him sparked my interest I responded. Initially I tried to be polite and respond to everyone at first with a customer service type mentality then I had to quickly realize that this was a dating site and not a place of business lol!

Out of the many fishy suitors I was engulfed by, I had only reached out to maybe two men myself and although they had responded with what seem to be some sort of interest, I think the fact that I initiated the contact made them feel like a fish out of water or like the ball was in their court so to speak. Granted, I never said I wanted to play ball or any games for that matter.

Online dating can be easily considered the drive-thru of the dating world. It comes with it's advantages as well as it's disadvantages. I read where someone said that online dating is a lot more difficult than they had originally thought. I have to agree. The reason being was no one was really focusing on one person. You see in the online arena your odds of finding the right one should increase based on the amount of choices at your disposal right? However, the more eye candy you have dangling in front of you the less chances you have of focusing on one person thus decreasing your chances or the odds of finding a potential mate. With all the distraction going on, your true mate/match could be slipping away unnoticed. It's truly the case of spending too much time getting carried away with the false sense of options that can sometimes slip you by and you end up with nothing.

So would I recommend online dating? Yes. Is it for everyone? No. Everyone that joins a dating site is not always some desperate person or some perv with major issues that they're hiding. Just know that everyone is not really who they represent themselves to be. However, you can actually meet some great people. The experience can be a combination of discouraging and yet addictive at the same time. More could be said about this fishing adventure but, I will leave that for another confession. I must say, in my two month trial period on POF I realized the "ONE" for me was not among these school of fish.

Avoiding the Ultimate B L (Big Lesson)

When you first meet them, note* I said them and not the ONE. Better yet, let me call them a “BL” which is short for “Big Lesson”. You almost immediately and stupidly, I might add, fall for BL’s game or hex. If you never encountered a BL then consider yourself fortunate. However, in case one crosses your path this is how you will be able to identify them; a BL operates something like this: You meet them and you’re almost instantaneously enticed by their confidence, charm and their seductive ways. Now pay attention, that confidence will draw you in like a magnet, it is often a disguise for arrogance. BL’s always have charm and a tenacious way about them that is sure to have you in some sort of a trance. This comes from many years in the game, a serial player at its best. As for the seduction you will experience with BL, well let’s just say it’s like something beyond words or this lifetime.

A BL has the ability to detect your weakness and insecurities on sight. A BL can sniff this out like a hound and use them against you to reel you in and get you hooked. A BL can get you hooked long enough for them to have their way with you then dispose of you like old news. The sweet gestures that hooked, lined and sunk you are now replaced with a lack of feedback or total avoidance. We clearly saw all the red flags going up all around us at the time but, because BL had already succeeded in hooking us, we were already paralyzed and under their spell. We couldn't shake them even if we wanted to. We all ready brought what BL was selling so we were too far gone to make any sound judgments or decisions.

In the beginning, BL will either pretend to want a real relationship or some may even be up front and say they are not looking for anything serious. However, because of that “CCS” (Confidence, Charm, and Seduction) combo and because this combo is like no other, we don’t even wait for them to play us like a Mattel game. We begin to play mind games on our own selves. We begin to create delusional realities and, we do this with the most complete rationale too! We begin to believe that we have the ability to get them to see the relationship in a new light. That we have the ability to make them want to turn in their player card and make us the one. We say to ourselves that what we have going between the BL and us is something special, unique and worth holding on to. We fail to realize that a BL loves their player ways way more than they can ever care for or love us. Since a player tends to always have their cake and eat it too then why would they ever turn in their player card for us? You see a BL has always gotten away with things in past relationships and perhaps never been truly checked or ever had a dose of their own affliction. So why would they ever change or have compassion or mercy on us. BLs always have that “On to the next one” attitude so what’s so special about you to them?

Like I touched on in the Cutting the Tomfoolery post, we tend to fall for BLs perhaps because deep down everyone likes a little challenge or a daring thrill. It's not their unpleasant characteristics that we are drawn to; it is more so the chase that ignites us. It is the chase that makes our hearts almost skip a beat or tingle at the sight or thought of them. It is that chase that makes us never forget, or hang on to every word and hope that BL would call or surface. Know that if you pursue a BL you will be left with a nonexistent relationship that will ultimately leave you feeling void and disenchanted. The flames will most likely accelerate and ignite fast, things will really get hot between you and then you will be left abruptly burnt. So recognize the “BL” (Big Lesson) before hand so that you can avoid being unnecessarily schooled.