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Tuesday, April 7, 2015

The Means to a Mend

No one wants to fall in love only for it to end in a deficit. As we struggle through this thing called life, we sometimes manage to surrender and let love in. When we decide to let love in, it seeps into our hearts, and like the weight of an ocean, it can break and shatter us. This can happen the moment you give love a chance. That feeling you get when you fall hard and seek your (be-all and end-all) to be filled by that SHE/HE.

I once heard, when it comes to love, it is better to walk into love rather than fall in love. This way, when the love is not right, you can simply walk away. If you fall in love, you run the risk of staying down too long and not knowing when or how to come back up - not knowing who or what to turn to, until you are left with no choice but to drown in love.

Once your heart takes over, you will feel yourself literally sink to the depths, the brink of what seems to be the point of no return, a complete abyss - entrapped by emotions and feeling broken. A state of complete darkness comes over you. Though all is dim, know that this too shall pass. The pain felt is not the end all.

Remember, just as that darkness of the night always precedes the dawn, know that light and blissful love is sure to follow after the pain. As long as there is breath in your body and a your heart still beats, you will heal and move on, even if it feels inconceivable.

This is not the end of you but, perhaps, an end of what was not meant to be. Know that the depth of that emotional abyss is not the final resting spot on your love journey. Sometimes you have to reach your lowest point, that point where you are faced without a choice, but only to move on and rise above it all. You can choose to stay at the bottom, until you simply drown, or you can gather the pearls and leave behind the pebbles and the swine. It is these very pearls that will make you stronger, more resilient, and help you see your worth.

Have faith that you can rise up and replace the darkness with the light. Transform your weakness and pain into your greatest strength, a means of growth and renewal. Understand that transformation often begins with a fall, and never regret the lesson.

I read somewhere that “The ground is where humility lives”. This is when you must seek your inner strength, inner circle, and faith to become more aware. It is only then that you will gain the needed endurance to move on. Once healed, at some point you will be forced to look back and see your own nothingness from whence you came. This will encourage you to seek the hunger for greatness. Know that if you have seen that reality, you have seen much. The one who is truly deceived and in darkness is the one who only seeks to pleasure HER/HIS own self, while simply disregarding others along the way. Deprived is the one who has never witnessed HER/HIS own need for the genuine love of another. Reliant on HER/HIS own self, SHE/HE fails to realize the weight of their actions and how it may compromise others, and everything else in existence.

Look to your faith and your inner strength to bring you back up, for the heart that you thought was forever damaged will be mended. What was shattered will be whole again. It is the belief that you can, that will allow you to do this. Keep seeking your inner strength. Constantly thinking and trying to figure out what went wrong, on the other hand, will only leave you to spend too much time regretting, feeling ashamed, and crippled with fear to love again. Don’t let the crushing waves of heartbreak prevent you from rising up. You can still rise up and breathe new air and new life, for new love can be just around the corner. Regain your sense of self and get back on the love track. Leave the pain behind you and don’t let the pain change you. You have a heart that is beautiful, lovable, and desirable for the right person. Keep these words dear and near and use them as your means to a mend.


  1. I would love your advice on my latest posts!! You write so beautifully!!

  2. Very insightful!... worth the time. Most of us learned the hard way, picking ourselves up, dusting off the fabrics and lifting ourselves high again, it wasn't easy, but we did it.
    It is better to learn from others than to learn from self, that is why I so much appreciate this write up. Thump up!

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  3. I try to tell myself these things. I've been in love with the same person for the past three years, and it's been three years that we've been apart. I never in my life thought this could happen to me. I've always prided myself on being so strong--for getting through things and never looking back. But with this one, it's as if I just can't. I've had boyfriends after him and have tried to move on, but the love and sex just don't compare. Not even close. I'm am always craving for this man. I can't even find anyone else attractive. He really did a bid on me. I guess he should take a bow. I wonder what this all means and if it's going to stay this way forever... because that sure is what it feels like.

  4. Great advice. i was able to move on. which i never thought i could do. but im glad i had the courage. i don't know if it was love or lust. i clearly knew the bad habit of the person i was dating but i was just hooked. i didn't know how to leave.
    how to fix a relationship

  5. I love this! Inner strength is a must. Beautifully written :)

  6. I strongly appreciate this interesting advice and i will recommend this to my friends and to my whole school as well.

  7. Thank you for the article. Love yourself first is a must. You put it beautifully.

  8. When you face a difficult situation, you grow in ways that are just not possible if life was easy. You learn things about yourself, about the world, which gives you a very unique perspective on life – as well as very unique skills.

  9. Thanks for sharing this amazing article. If you want yourself to be loved truly then you should be the first one to do so.

  10. 2) Thank you for this article. This really resonated with me. It made me look at myself and how I show up in my relationship with my man. We’ve been dating for a year and I find myself in the same situation as the person who wrote in. Only we broke up because I have been complaining and nagging him about his behavior. I’ve also been acting out of fear and my own insecurities as a result which pushed him further away and out the door. We recently reconciled after 4 weeks apart and I believe articles like yours and the book I read titled: His Secret Obsession ( really helped me get the results I was looking for.

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I would love to hear your take on SHE Versus HE.