When a Bond Has Been Compromised

In a relationship, you find someone that you trust and you consider them to be your most highly regarded confidant. You share with them some of your deepest secrets and embedded insecurities that you wouldn’t dare share with anyone else. Such a gesture does not come about by doing small act or feat either. They earned this privilege by gaining your heart and your trust over time.

Everyday isn’t always a good day between two people. The two of you may not always see eye to eye. It may even get to the point where issues and conflicts become frequent visitors in your relationship. These communication isues shouldn’t really make much a difference right? After all, they are your most cherished confidant right?

Well, what do you do when your most cherished confidant goes and compromise your trust? This often occurs as a result of anger or some emotional based revenge. The very same secrets you shared with them are now being thrown back at you to hurt you. The very same insecurities that you divulged are now being used against you. What do you do when you are constantly being undermined by this person you love? What do you do when they use words to emotionally hurt or manipulate you because they know just exactly how to do it?

Do you:

a) Try your best to work it out by figuring out the emotional root of the constant betrayal and decide to forgive and forget.

b) Do you give them a spoonful of their own emotionally fatal medicine?

c) Do you acknowledge this as emotional abuse and decide to cut your losses and let go of the emotional roller coaster?

I would love to hear your answer and see how you would handle things……..

To Sacrifice On the Strength of a Commitment

Agreeing with Nelia in her post called: The Sacrifice Myth that a relationship between two people should be an “exchange of value”. I’m sure many go into it with that preconceived notion at least. However, many are often left feeling like it was more of a sacrifice in end as a result. I particularly like the way the definition of sacrifice is defined. “A sacrifice is the decision to give up something in return for something of lower value.” This sums it up in one sentence. This is how many are often left feeling when relations end in a disarray.

Yes, one should value what the other brings to the relationship. By all means the best way to show appreciation for ones worth is by reciprocating. But, you see this is where it gets a little tricky…. It appears that there is an assortment of us that are either wired differently or perhaps got the wrong memo. There are so many failed relationships due to the fact that someone in the magnificent duo forgot to value the others worth.

Even when that happens we continue to “add to the picnic” (as Nelia cleverly put it) with the hopes that things will change and get better. This often leaves us anticipating that our partner “will bring something to the picnic that we will finally enjoy” in other words changes for the better or evolve into relationship material.

So here are a few questions to ponder on:

When you love someone should you just give up after constantly coming up short at the picnic? Should one keep bringing the goods for the sake of sacrifice and the commitment to the relationship? Should one keep doing and hope the other will learn by example and eventually catch on? Should one just cut their losses and find a new picnic partner? Now, if one does that then does one run the risk of possible negative relationship patterns like mentioned in the above post. The risk of ending up with someone from that assortment of us that are either wired differently or perhaps got the wrong memo.

The Putrid Effect of an Ego

He loves me …he loves me not…She loves me…she loves me not. Many of us are not just sitting back picking petals off of a beautiful flower, wondering if the one who has enthralled our hearts truly loves us or not. The more prevalent question that seems to be demanding an immediate answer is just exactly how much. To what dept or degree does this pertinent individual actual love and feel for one? This I must say is a question that everyone has had to ask at some given point in a relationship. It doesn't matter who you are, where you are, if you are a man or a woman you must have had to ask yourselves this very same question. Actually some of us may find ourselves asking this question far too often, more so than we would actually like to.

Different things can spark or bring on the doubts and questions. Often our expectations of others lead us to doubt those we love and those that love us. Especially, when we feel that the people we love are falling short of what we feel they should be doing or bringing to the relationship. When in actuality it is often our past experiences that bring us to the brink. The brink of getting so caught up that we are just left standing with our insecurities and uncertainties to comfort us instead the person we love.

Another villain in relationships is our egos. Egos can be so huge and fatal that it can rob a relationship of its splendor and essence. An ego has the power to blind, mute, deaf and cause temporary memory loss in a relationship. An ego can cause you to no longer see what made you love the person in the first place. An ego can cause momentary loss of speech. When a simple sorry or I love you is needed an ego can silence one and prevent the words from coming out or ever being heard. An ego can make your partners words become some irrelevant like, annoying background noise that you just don’t want to hear anymore. The damage of an ego can be so grave that it causes one to forget why it all even mattered in the first place.

Now with the new found understanding of just how severe an ego can be to a relationship, don’t let it be a hindrance in yours. After all this is the person one truly loves right? Why can’t one just let all guards down, break all barriers and just simply be? No egos, no attitudes and insecurities allowed…It begins with us first and our love ones will follow. Just release and just be with and have the love that one was meant to have!

Karma’s Heartbreak Boomerang

A close friend of mine has been dating this guy who had (commitment issues) for as long as I have known her. She has pretty much stood by his side and remained patient out of her love and loyalty to him. She has tolerantly waited for him to get over his dedication and commitment phobias, only for him to inform her that he just got married to some random woman he just met. (jaw dropped…heart crushing...trying to pick oneself up off the floor shocker)

Perhaps my friend was not the one for him right? Well, if she was not the woman for him then why did he just not move on with his new life? Why is he currently refusing to be happy with the new “Wifey”? Instead, he is constantly attempting to contact and spend his time thinking of my friend (the woman he knows within his own heart he should have married).

I truly do not understand why human beings do these types of thing to one another. Why do men/women choose to string each other along if they are not sure what they want out of a partner or a relationship? Just because one can’t make up their mind should the other suffer? No matter how much you try you cannot have your cake and eat it too, at least not for long anyway. If we choose to continue to take the selfish route in our relationships, karma’s heartbreak boomerang will surely cross our paths with a vengeance. So before you go disregarding someone’s heart remember the feelings you spare may be your own.

If you have an opinion or if you can share your perspective and provide further insight as to why this happens please feel free to enlighten and share.

What A Guy Is Really Saying

O.k...Perhaps that's not all that guys think about or is really saying. Quite close maybe?

Scales and Balances of the Heart

I was having a casual debate about relationships with a friend of the opposite sex. We had a host of exchanges bouncing back and forth. You see, when it comes to relationships you rarely find a shared consensus when males and females point of views are involved. We could not agree on much of anything. Who wants to give in to the other side? He actually had the bravado to go on and say that "When it comes to a relationship between two people, there is always one person who loves more than the other." I immediately disagreed and replied with such assurance to his comment because; I did not want to believe that such a thing could even be remotely true. "When one truly cares for someone it should be sincere" I said "When it comes to relationships everything should be 50/50 right?........Love is love correct, or is it truly a constant game that ones not sure they really ever wanted to play in the first place?".............

Well, I will have to reluctantly admit that some years later after experiencing and witnessing the trials and tribulations of relationship matters both mine and others around me, that he was indeed correct. I now admit my observations with additional findings.... Yes, he was correct but, that unbalanced scale of lust, love or whatever one chooses to call it, can shift in the course of a relationship at any given time. So when one thinks that they are more at the receiving and advantageous end of the Relationship Scale beware, because overnight in the bat of an eyelash, one might find themselves at the less appealing end of the relationship measuring stick. One might find themselves reluctantly on the the least lucrative side of the emotional scale.

So word to the wise. Don't get too comfortable with putting minimal effort and think that ones partner is going to always go above and beyond for ones love and attention. The moral of this story is: Do unto others as you want done to yourself when it comes to matters of the heart. Karma can come back and give you something that you did not anticipate and send you on an bitter sweet emotional whirlwind.

Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the most- Gordon Livington

Finding Out Why He's Just Not That Into You

“He's Just Not That Into You” is perhaps one of best portrayals that I’ve seen in a long time of men and women relationships. This movie kept me engaged from beginning to end. There are several points in various areas of the movie where both men and women can at some point relate to. Even if you think you wouldn’t be interested in this movie or didn’t want to be, I guarantee you surely will be. He's Just Not That Into You has a star packed cast but my favorites were Ginnifer Goodwin and Justin Long. Ginnifer Goodwin (Gigi) does an excellent job portraying that girl who, after tons of mixed messages from a guy becomes the obsessed stalker type girlfriend.

see also: SHE Confession #2: Another Missed Connection

Sasusaku wp by ~RavenxCorpse on deviantART

I truly love this Artist interpretation on the true emotions that exist daily between male and females no matter the age group. A great example of how the emotional balance yet different, some how finds a way to compliment each other.

Artist RavenxCorpse wanted to make a conception in connection with them. She shows the differences between them. Sakura has a nice personality, and she annoys the hell out of Sasuke with her love. On the other hand, Sasuke-kun is an avenger, and he doesn't seem to care about things, except his revenge. The Artist feels they are like day and night, so this idea inspired her to do this piece. She says she loves opposites; Sakura’s side being the cheerful and girlish one, and Sasuke’s side being the darker, and boyish one. In my interpretation of this piece I see a love that is so precious and that many of us often share. Although very different, day & night, positive versus negative, the two have found each others love and manages to make it the most electrifying relationship that some how absolutely works against all odds.....yup I got all that from gazing at this piece.

Emotional Differences

Man and Woman Idea by ~cqueror on deviantART

Note: how the guy has a club where his heart is suppose to be. I guess that means he has his mind on partying, bars, night clubs etc. Anything but a commitment. Whereas, the girl has a heart where a heart should be and her focus is on a true emotional connection, settling down and nothing but a commitment.