SHE Confession # 10: The Casual Contract

We must pay close attention to whom we share our intimate energy with. Sexual intimacy on this level intricately entwines the auric energies of both sexual partners. It creates a powerful exchange of energy between those involved.  These powerful connections, no matter how insignificant we think they are, leave spiritual debris upon the aura for a long time because they are not easily cleansed or balanced. ‘Casual sex’ with many partners can entwine the energies of all these people into your own aura as well, if they are not severed and cleansed properly. This type of cluttered aura can be felt by others. This explains the subtle energies we give off. A person who sleeps with multiple people carries around a confused aura. The longer and more intimate the contact with another person, the more powerful the interactions of the auric fields become and the harder it is for these connections to untangle and leave. - Author Unknown

I was single and desolate when I decided to enter a verbal contract. A contract that would require me to have a consensual, casual relationship....no strings attached. My true nature would have never entertained the idea of such a relationship before but, as my loneliness rose to an all-time high, it began to impair my better judgement. To make matters worse, this forced celibate state I was in started to get the best of me. I longed for intimacy, that human connection with someone special. So as impatience moved in, I gave in.

There was no deceiving myself. I knew it wasn't the ultimate relationship that I had been holding out for. However, I coaxed myself into thinking it couldn't hurt. Hell, it was better than being alone, I thought. I told myself that I could do this. Stay focused, detached and simply enjoy his company. Be in the moment, while keeping my options open. It seemed like the perfect agreement while waiting for Mr. Ideal to show up and make his presence known. Things were fine at first. Our times together consisted of a mélange of intriguing conversation and intimacy. What had the makings of a brief fling suddenly had all the characteristics of a meaningful relationship. 

This was one of the dangers of being in such a sexy arrangement - that moment when a thin line comes into play. Where things go from being casual to feeling like a serious something. This is where the unthinkable happened... like a thief in the night, feelings emerged and I was then forced to realize my feelings for him. My gut told me he had feelings for me as well. My gut also said that although I am a committed relationship kind of girl, he will never be a committed relationship kind of guy and therein lies the problem.

How does one deal when the playing field suddenly changes? Do you try and renegotiate your arrangement? How does one even go about such a thing after setting such noncommittal ground rules? Do you sit down and try and discuss new terms under a new relationship contract or do you stop dead and center and walk away?  

As with most endeavors, there are a few lessons to be learned from this:

• There is no such thing as just a casual relationship
• Never allow your loneliness to lead you to settling
• People are who they are and believe what they tell you

It is a lot harder to get someone out of your life than it is to let them in. So take your time and choose wisely.

The Means to a Mend

No one wants to fall in love only for it to end in a deficit. As we struggle through this thing called life, we sometimes manage to surrender and let love in. When we decide to let love in, it seeps into our hearts, and like the weight of an ocean, it can break and shatter us. This can happen the moment you give love a chance. That feeling you get when you fall hard and seek your (be-all and end-all) to be filled by that SHE/HE.

I once heard, when it comes to love, it is better to walk into love rather than fall in love. This way, when the love is not right, you can simply walk away. If you fall in love, you run the risk of staying down too long and not knowing when or how to come back up - not knowing who or what to turn to, until you are left with no choice but to drown in love.

Once your heart takes over, you will feel yourself literally sink to the depths, the brink of what seems to be the point of no return, a complete abyss - entrapped by emotions and feeling broken. A state of complete darkness comes over you. Though all is dim, know that this too shall pass. The pain felt is not the end all.

Remember, just as that darkness of the night always precedes the dawn, know that light and blissful love is sure to follow after the pain. As long as there is breath in your body and a your heart still beats, you will heal and move on, even if it feels inconceivable.

This is not the end of you but, perhaps, an end of what was not meant to be. Know that the depth of that emotional abyss is not the final resting spot on your love journey. Sometimes you have to reach your lowest point, that point where you are faced without a choice, but only to move on and rise above it all. You can choose to stay at the bottom, until you simply drown, or you can gather the pearls and leave behind the pebbles and the swine. It is these very pearls that will make you stronger, more resilient, and help you see your worth.

Have faith that you can rise up and replace the darkness with the light. Transform your weakness and pain into your greatest strength, a means of growth and renewal. Understand that transformation often begins with a fall, and never regret the lesson.

I read somewhere that “The ground is where humility lives”. This is when you must seek your inner strength, inner circle, and faith to become more aware. It is only then that you will gain the needed endurance to move on. Once healed, at some point you will be forced to look back and see your own nothingness from whence you came. This will encourage you to seek the hunger for greatness. Know that if you have seen that reality, you have seen much. The one who is truly deceived and in darkness is the one who only seeks to pleasure HER/HIS own self, while simply disregarding others along the way. Deprived is the one who has never witnessed HER/HIS own need for the genuine love of another. Reliant on HER/HIS own self, SHE/HE fails to realize the weight of their actions and how it may compromise others, and everything else in existence.

Look to your faith and your inner strength to bring you back up, for the heart that you thought was forever damaged will be mended. What was shattered will be whole again. It is the belief that you can, that will allow you to do this. Keep seeking your inner strength. Constantly thinking and trying to figure out what went wrong, on the other hand, will only leave you to spend too much time regretting, feeling ashamed, and crippled with fear to love again. Don’t let the crushing waves of heartbreak prevent you from rising up. You can still rise up and breathe new air and new life, for new love can be just around the corner. Regain your sense of self and get back on the love track. Leave the pain behind you and don’t let the pain change you. You have a heart that is beautiful, lovable, and desirable for the right person. Keep these words dear and near and use them as your means to a mend.

SHE Confession #9: Broken

He once loved me intensely.  As a result of that love a jealousy and fear grew within me.  I always knew I never wanted to feel what it would be like to be without his love… I knew I would shatter to pieces if I ever discovered he loved another as or more intensely than he loved me.  I knew there were others and though it thoroughly pissed me off, I knew they were not me so I weathered through it.  I knew their exchanges didn't measure up to a tenth of the love we had between us. That all changed the day I discovered her existence.

She was the one that set everything in motion.  She changed us for good. She changed our bond, our love, our marriage and our family permanently.  She affected us in ways that I can’t even begin to express.  She had impeccable timing that became his everything, all that he looked forward to.  Until this very day I wonder if they know the magnitude and the devastation they caused….most likely not. I’m sure she couldn't have given even one single damn.

She was the one he now called with excitement when it used to be me.  She was the one that motivated him to make frequent trips to the corner store (so he could freely answer her missed calls).  She motivated him to return to our marriage bed just before dawn and sometimes not at all.  Over time I began to see the extra effort he was making in his appearance for her that he once made for me.

Their need for each other although a complete bliss for them, started a deterioration within me.  I allowed their nascent romance to rob me of my aspirations and my dreams.  He was so embedded within me that without him I now felt so broken.  I no longer wanted anything to do with what reminded me of them, even if that meant him too. Our home became a cold reminder of what was, what could be but, now isn't. It became an emotive prison and I wanted out.

I became so emotionally weak but, my heart became hardened.  To him and everyone else I appeared bitter, stubborn and strong willed. Inside I was dying and trying so hard not to breakdown.  I allowed their actions to strip my self-worth, self-respect and confidence.  A once self-assured woman now diffident and weak. Alone I remain for no one could ever be him to me, no one could ever be us.  It’s been well over seven years now and broken I remain.

Copyright: BDS / 123RF Stock Photo

Is Your Relationship a Deal Breaker?

Here's another great opportunity for you to hash out your relationship issues on T.V with the Author of "Think Like a Man" and host of The Steve Harvey Show based in Chicago. Even if you are not from Chicago area, if chosen you would be flown out with accommodations included so you can tell your story to Steve. 

Currently they are looking for women who are having problems in their relationships (hence why they reached to us). They are looking for women in long-term relationships that want to know if their man's behavior is really a deal breaker. Steve Harvey will sit down with you if you are selected and give you his honest advice from his perspective. If this sounds like something you would be interested in please contact Jasmine Stephen.

Is "HE" Cheating on "SHE" via Social Media?

Hello my wonderful SHE & HEs. I was contacted by the casting office of Relativity Television. They appear to be some of the same people behind the hit show "Catfish". They currently are working on a show that some may find relatable or interesting.  It is based on women who think their boyfriend or husbands are cheating on them “ONLINE” through social media.  

Apparently this is a huge problem that has become more prevalent in today’s relationships, yet few people are publicly discussing it. Currently they are working on the first therapy show that will tackle these types of relationship issues.  

This is not supposed to be a sleazy talk show; it’s going to be a one hour special on a major cable network. The host will be Dr. Ramani., a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor of Psychology. She's known to have a passion for helping others to live their happiest and healthiest lives. If interested in participating refer to the contact information listed.

SHE Confession #8: The Disarray of Matrimony

I loved two men in my life. I loved them enough to marry them. I also even loved them enough to divorce them just as well. The first marriage was in my late teens and ended before I was even legal to drink. The latter I married a few years shortly after. Both of those marriages painfully ended to my dismay. I take the brunt of the blame. Reason being, my selection process. Although they were very different in many ways, it was like I had chosen the exact same man twice.

I believed both men truly loved me but, not enough to give up their bachelor like ways. They were both men who thrived for the nightlife and lived for the streets, seven days a week. They both had the mentality that this is who they were and I just had to accept it if I wanted to be in their world. Neither one of them disclosed such behavior when we were courting. Perhaps they did but, the dopamine high affected my better judgment. I was also naive in thinking I could try to change either of them. I tried a series of things in both marriages. I tried talking it out, expressing my feelings, fighting about it and lastly, I tried the two can play that game strategy. Neither of these things ever really worked.

After going through the dissatisfaction of failing marriage number two, I finally realized that it was wrong of me to expect change from someone who didn't want to change or feel the need for the change. I had to learn to try to accept people for who they are. I can choose to deal with them as they are or I can choose not to. What made me finally move on from the second marriage was when I realized that I was doing all the compromising and through all the compromising I lost my sense of self, who I was along the way.

Depression had set in and I was not characteristically recognizable to those who knew and loved me. So after two decades of marriage I mustered up the courage to leave. I left him not because I stopped loving him; I left because I had to start loving me again. Leaving him was about reclaiming my sense of self-worth back, becoming strong and whole again. If by chance I should have a go at love again, hopefully it will be with someone whose values fit with my own or one that is willing to compromise for the sake of the relationship.

Image credit: fuzzbones / 123RF Stock Photo

6 Ways to Successfully Work With Your Significant Other

Sustaining a loving relationship poses challenges of it's own, much less trying to maintain a working relationship with the one you love. Hear how Rachel manages to keep things flowing in her work/love relationship:

                               On Working With Your Significant Other

Jameson and I began writing songs together after we broke up. That might sound odd, but for us it made sense. Sure, we had grievances with one another, but that didn’t mean we should have to stop hanging out!

Since then, we've gotten back together and worked through some of those grievances. At the same time, our songwriting has morphed into a full-on start-up enterprise. However, learning how to work together and be together as a couple has been no small challenge. More than once, my housemates (i.e. my parents) have heard me stomping around my room in the midst of a full-on phone tantrum.

And yet, I feel like I’ve also learned a few things.

If you’re thinking of starting a business with your significant other, here are some tips:

1. Don’t tell them their ideas suck. Just because you’re comfortable with one another, doesn’t mean you can eschew common courtesy.

2. Separate work from play. Set specific times when you’re going to work and specific times when you’re going to hang out. Oh, and constantly checking work emails during hangout time defeats the purpose.

3. Control your emotions. If something happened outside of work, leave it there. Vent to your journal, if need be, then get over it. You can’t do good work if you’re annoyed.

4. Keep your priorities in check. What’s more important to you: the product you’re creating or the person you create it with?

5. Praise one another. Too often, we don’t praise gifted people because we’re certain they already know how great they are. Not true. We all need to be encouraged in our gifts, especially artists.

6. Say thank you. Because any endeavor requires both your gifts. Because there is a lot to do and you couldn't do it without them. – r. yellen 

Guest Blogger, Rachel Yellen is a co-writer/band mate of the band Windsor.

SHE Confession #7: I Just Can't Anymore

I'm not feeling this between us anymore. I have been let down and disregarded so many times in my past and now you too... Was it naive of me to think you were incapable of doing the same? I guess...I have tried my best to always be there for you when you needed someone to talk to, someone to care or just simply be there. You know it really wasn't no task at all, for I hung onto every word that you so much as even uttered from your beautiful lips.

I thought I had the same in you but, in return you disappointed me… You fell out of my life once again. You checked out once more. As life with me became too much for you to bear you just simply stopped calling. Not once did you seem to care what was going on with me. What you had going on was all that seem to truly matter anyways.

Loving you was a certainty that I would be there. I respected your need to do things differently and handle things your own way. At the same time your actions forced me to realize what works for me and this one-way surely doesn't anymore. Walking out of my life and strolling back when it is conducive for you…really?

During your hiatus I reached out to you because I needed you, I needed someone to talk to, someone to just listen with care… Instead you were nowhere to be found because, you were busy doing you. This last time you showed up expecting to get back in, back to when we were at our ultimate high. I just simply can't keep doing this again and again, I just can no longer do us. Not because I don't love you anymore. Hell, I still do...maybe even more. I just can't endure the pain anymore. This whole thing has got me so weak...I can't foresee me ever trusting you as I once did and that is why I just can't anymore.  

The Night the Dance Ended

I'm sure finding love is attainable at any age. However, is there an expiration date on this whole dating thing? At what point is it possible to consider that one may be getting a pinch too old for this? Is there a point where one realizes they should have settled down with that special someone long ago? That point where one is forced to leave the game. Not because you wanted to but, because the game has forcefully retired you.

American Horror Story character, Fiona Goode played by (Jessica Lange) has this compelling scene in the episode appropriately named "The Replacements" that depicts this exact realization. It takes place in a dark Louisiana lounge. Fiona sits at the bar sipping her choice of spirits, while inhaling her surroundings as she exhales the smoke from her ciggy. She sits alone and unnoticed while the younger women at that very same bar are being approached. Suddenly, a handsome man comes towards her smiling. She takes note and prepares to be acknowledged only to realize that handsome man was making his way to the more youthful woman seated beside her. Feeling a bit foolish, it is then that she comes to the realization that she is an aging woman who no longer possess the "it" factor she once had. Her outer beauty has matured and to her dismay it's fading more rapidly that she would like to accept.

 (As she sips her drink her thoughts are narrated and she looks around the room)

 "It's a dance, a dance no one ever had to teach me. A dance I've known since I first saw my reflection in my father's eyes. My partners have been princes and starving artists, Greek Gods and clowns and every one of them certain they lead. But, it's always my dance. I make the first move, which is no move at all. I've always just understood that they will eventually find themselves in front of me. Primitive, beautiful animals. Their bodies responding to the inevitability of it all. It's my dance and I have performed it with finesse and abandon with countless partners. Only the faces change. And all this time, I never suspected the night would come when the dance would end."

When do you think your dance should end or will you dance until your inner music stops?

HE Confession #3: SHE, the Bitch I Never Knew

SHE left me disenchanted. Her actions ripped my perception of who I thought SHE was to pieces. It changed my reality, our existence. SHE was unintentionally tested by me. SHE failed and, miserably I might add. SHE took what we had between us…what I thought was beyond any monetary value and, reduced us like some outdated piece of technology. 

We became a thing of yesterday…obsolete. Just like that… I sometimes watch her bask in her own delight from a distance and think oh, what a Bitch SHE is! A Bitch no doubt… Then I came to my senses and realized I’m just simply chagrined by it all. 

I’m still very much in love with the idea of who I thought SHE was.  The truth of the matter is SHE is not a bitch at all. SHE is still the same SHE that SHE always has been. A SHE I refused to initially see. Instead of continuously harboring ill feelings for her, I can now only want to wish her well. For if SHE was not being SHE I would not have been the involuntary recipient of clarity, a parting gift that SHE so graciously left. Staring at me was the true Bitch, my denial... 
Image credit: blanarum / 123RF Stock Photo

SHE Confession #6: A Solemn Stance on Love

It's been difficult to write about relationships and my thoughts regarding them for quite some time lately. My inability to do so wasn't so much so that I had some sort of writer's block. It's actually quite the opposite. I actually have so much to say or so much on my mind regarding relationships as a whole. I've been boggled down with my own personal feelings on the matter that, I have not been able to funnel through it. I just can't seem to make sense of it all, or where to begin. Partly being, is that I'm learning to emotionally let go. Holding on to a certain something or someone has been one of my biggest muse when it comes to writing about relationships. Letting go of what had been my drug, my main source of inspiration....my emotional addiction. It was one of the hardest things I had to do and like with any addiction every new day is an entirely new struggle. Holding on too long has been a downfall of mine.

I honestly have to say that there are truly many depths of love. You can love people for totally different reasons. However, when love is staring you in the face you truly know it without a doubt. Love makes you want to give even when there is nothing to gain in return. At the same time love can sting when it's not returned in equal or even a remote measure. While love can be so beautiful it can be equally dismal.   

On the Deficit Side of SHE Versus HE

Has this ever happened to you? Where you ever that HE/SHE?

*HE pursued you for what you thought was a relationship when HE was just rebounding with you.

*HE said he didn't want a serious relationship but, HE got married six month later.

*HE said HE wanted a serious relationship but, HE was already married to someone else.

*HE was with you for over a decade, marriage, kids and all. Yet, HE was never fully committed in his heart.

*HE never wanted anything really. HE was just lonely and simply wanted sex.

*HE couldn't handle your love due to his own insecurities and issues.

*HE was almost too good to be true until his dark secret was revealed.

*HE just stop calling....til this day you still don't know why.

*HE was abusive, controlling, jealous....just all kinds of wrong.

*HE loved you & SHE & her & her too.

*HE was too wounded to ever love you or anyone else for that matter.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

*SHE loved you but, wanted him and her freedom more.

*SHE didn't love you SHE only loved the last thing you did for her.

*SHE was too self-absorbed to love anyone else.

*SHE used you as her rebound only to return back to him

*SHE said you don't do it for her anymore.

*SHE had too many insecurities about herself that she couldn't love anyone else.

*SHE pretended to be someone SHE wasn't then the real SHE showed up.

*SHE didn't know how to relate to HE for she lacked positive role models.

*SHE no longer met your physical needs. Intimacy became a chore for SHE.

*SHE woke up one day and decided that motherhood and marriage was not her deal anymore.

*SHE said you wasn't good enough.

SHE Confession #5: True Love...Absolute Truth or Myth

True Love...is it real? Does it truly exist? Imaginably, it is easy to assume that it is just a fantasy or myth. Perhaps it is merely something that great fairy-tales are made of. If "True Love" is in fact real, does it ever last or does it simply wear off by some specific time frame? Is it like a momentary phase that is sure to pass and guaranteed to not linger on? Is it more like a grand facade, a huge deceptive web filled with deception? A deceptive, delusional spell that disorientates it’s victims into a distorted reality. Forcing you to wear rose tinted glasses with a rosy outlook in tow. The tail end result are: gross misconceptions, huge arguments, horrid break-ups. and bitter divorces.

This is coming from a person who has waited for what appears to be centuries for "True Love" that is long lasting, with a close resemblance to eternity. I have waited for "True Love" to show up and show out, for "True Love" to show its exquisite and astonishing face. Yet, to no avail…instead I was met with lack luster imposters who tried to mimic and do their best at their rendition of what True Lasting Love should be.

HE Confession #2: What SHE Needs to Realize

I was recently invited to join this fascinating group on Facebook called "Honest Announcements". This group is described as a forum for grown, mature members who want to share their life experiences with others. The topics we often touch on are about love, relationships and oh yes, sex! The moderator states that the average age group is over 30 so therefore the topics are best described as insightful, thought provoking and brutally honest. I have to say it has definitely been all of the before mentioned. While perusing through I found a "HE" perspective I thought I'd share.

WRITTEN BY A GUY : Girls need to realize: We guys don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it makes us mad. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there. We don't care if a guy calls;OR TEXT you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. That it can't wait till the morning. Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Yeah, you can quote me. Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take Advantage of the mood I'm in. Let us pay for you! don't 'feel bad' We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say 'thank you. Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed. You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for who you are and not what you are. Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up. Don't take everything we say seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily. Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don't talk about how hot Chris Brown, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful' i'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/cutie/sexy' or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand I'm not sayin I wouldn't like it ether. Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, don't wait for him to change! Ditch his sorry butt, disgrace to the male population and find someone who will treat you with utter respect Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes and say 'i love you' and actually mean it. Give the nice guys a chance. Guys re-post this if you agree. Girls re-post this if you think it's cute.. Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this, so we hope that all the girls that read this will re-post this. Life is too short to complain about everything that comes your way so stop and smell the roses in life because you might never have another time to take it, so take your time because they are all different in every way, so take chances in life, if it doesn't work out then fine, there are always more roses to smell.

SHE Confession #4: Wanted...

Bursting with love for him but, all the yet void. Ready to love him while hopefully awaiting his reciprocity, yet empty I remain. Waiting for him to show up and be present but, alone I stand. Wanted to see him one last time to say goodbye, as if it would matter. Instead I choose to remain silent for a different outcome is not destined. Wanted to make love to him one last time so I would cherish that memory along with the many other precious times we have shared. Wanted to make love to him again so I could tell myself it was more than a "on to the next one" type fling. Wanted to be special to him, to be different.

Wanted him to love me, be that "ONE" HE couldn't be without. Wanted to keep holding on and keep praying HE'd love me and want me one day. Wanted to stop wondering if everything I was feeling was just some ish in my head. Wanted to accept whatever HE was willing to give, on his terms, just to be in his grace. Wanted to try and accept the friendship HE was only willing to extend but, my heart wouldn't comfortably let me. Wanted to forget him but, all I continually did and still do is compare him to every other inadequate him. Feeling drained and running on empty because I know my love for him has no merit. Wanted to say or do more than I have already said or done with hopes of a different outcome. Instead, no final words spoken or needed cause with time the definitive nature of it all will still be.

HE Confession #1:When a Man Is In Love

Love can be fun, great, or make you hurt profusely, but love is a term that used too loosely. When does a man know he's in love? Is it in his silence of her or the things he speaks of? A man knows he's in love without a shadow of a doubt when he's away from her and he can't be without. Without the warmth of her body, the sound of her voice, that leaves him in a trance. If she was a mountain of love he would be satisfied with a stone of romance. A man knows he's in love when it's not all about money, games, and fun. It's when he realizes he has a Jet Li and she is the ONE.....

Are You Struggling with a Natural Addiction?

I came across an interesting blog post by a popular Atlanta Gossip Blogger by the name of Sandra Rose. I don't always agree with Sandra or what she has to say but, I admire her for having the guts to say or express what she feels. In that respect, many of us could take a page from her book because we all know how keeping stuff in is such a killer.....I will address that in another post...focus, focus! 

Anyways, this particular post caught my attention because it's one of those post that although familiar information, it causes bells to go off or better yet an epiphany to occur. In this piece Sandra addresses how many of us who may feel we are living a drug free life may be shocked to realize just how far from reality that is. Many of us have a natural drug addiction and we don't even realize it. If you think you might fit the bill click here. .....seeking possible rehab options as you read on.

SHE Confession #3: Valentine's Day...Not So Much!

Well it's Valentine's Day again and I don't have a Valentine. Part of me is okay with that and part of me is a tad bit....I don't know. I don't know because, having or not having a Valentine to me is not that big of a deal. It is actually what not having one signifies that gets me a bit. The reality that I don't have someone to love and someone to equally love me back.

Honestly, I'm in the middle on this whole Valentine's thing. A part of me dislikes the fact that a vast majority of us run around on one day a year only and make a big deal about lust, romance and love. We go through great measures just to show a person one day a year that we care about them. How corny is that! I'm just saying, really.... If you truly have these enormous feelings for them why does one have to fall victim to commercialism and show love on one day because everyone else is doing so? Doesn't it demean the whole idea?

Don't get me wrong since I'm all for the "Love Movement" and better relations between men and women, anything that promotes love I co-sign. I'm not some Valentine Scrooge just because I'm Valentineless. I just want to know what's up with showing your love, care or concern daily? If someone has my heart, HE does not have to wait until "V"day to know I care. HE will have numerous love letters, emails, text and simple daily acts of love from me to show for it. "Why wait for tomorrow, with what you could do today?" For tomorrow is not promised or guaranteed. You may never have the opportunity to do it again, say it again or be with that person again. Cherish each moment as though it were your last. Don't fall in sync and do what's expected for one day and then go back to whatever it was you weren't doing before....and no I'm not amped because I'm Valentineless.....yes, I made up a word.

Lastly, while I'm just saying...SHEs if you are going to celebrate Valentine's Day then understand that it is a two-way street. It is not another "SHE" holiday quite to the contrary popular belief. If you are expecting and hoping to receive thoughtful gifts, plans or gestures then I would hope you would represent the SHEs well and have the very same itinerary on deck. Happy Valentine's Day to all my SHEs and HEs. May you have all the love your heart desires. May you have love all year through.

Dating 101- The True Waiting Game

It is often said you should not look for someone. You should let that someone find you. Well if everyone believed in that concept then how would anyone ever find anyone if everyone is just hoping the "ONE" is going to randomly show up? Is this person suppose to show up like some cool breeze on a hot summer night?

I mean really......If that were true why is there so much information geared towards meeting someone out there? Like how to do this or how to that tips/tricks and self help information on finding the "ONE"? Why do services like speed dating, online dating, social meet-ups and other grand schemes to help people connect with each other exist if the "ONE" is supposed to simply find you?

When you finally do meet someone that is only half the battle. Then comes more questions and uncertainties. Do you give them your number first? Do you ask for theirs? Should you wait for them to ask you for yours or should you just exchange numbers?

.......Once you have miraculously figured that out, what should you do next? Based on who has whose number, do you wait for them to call or let them do all the calling so that you can;

a.) see just how much they like or are interested in you

b.) not come off as a stalker or overly eager type

c.) play it cool and just let nature take it's course (whatever that means)

Whew! Now that you have made it past all those what ifs and you now have figured out you might be the one to initiate the first call, do you call right away or is there an official waiting (let me not look too desperate) period? Is there a daily or weekly limit on the frequency of calls that one can make? Whose responsibility is it again to maintain the communication between two people, so that both parties know that they are both interested and excited without appearing like they are doing too much?

Everyone seems to have different approaches or techniques on how things should be done or developed. Some honestly believe that these set systems they have in place actually work for them. I think not!! If that were the case half these people would be all set in the relationship department. I would love to get the answers to my many questions. Perhaps there is an unspoken dating manual out there that I'm just not aware of. I'm interested and curious to know what are some of the different dating rules that you have in place and what works for you when meeting someone?

SHE Confession #2: Another Missed Connection

So I recently met someone. I was ecstatic initially because he appeared to have a vast majority of the qualities that my "Mr Right For Me" was supposed to have. I felt all the bells and whistles go off so I felt like making a public announcement "SHE may have found a man at last!" But....just before I could approve this message, update my relationship status on Facebook or tweet to my followers, I immediately realized this notion was short lived......

When it comes to attraction, surely there is an abundance of eye candy to satisfy ones satiable cravings if need be. However, how rare is it to come across the "ONE" that actually moves you? I'm not just talking about lust here. I'm talking about the kind of person that speaks to your inner spirit, at least that is what I thought. Trust me, it takes a special/unique person to reach or tap into that inner abyss. That inner abyss, that I call my inner spirit might have been off, hallucinating or something because I really thought I was picking up on some serious vibes from HE.

In actuality I was not. I was just running full speed on my emotions and need to fulfill a void I so desire. Well, thank goodness for friends who know you well and can help you reality check yourself from time to time when your sensors are completely off. Anyways, after sharing my situation with two of my closest SHEs, I got instant clarity and had the biggest epiphany! Everything that was being exchanged between HE and I was one sided. There is no mystery here in trying to figure out which side it was that was doing the most exchanges.

You see both my SHE friends help me see that I was carrying feelings from my last attempt at a pseudo relationship into the present situation, needless to say it wasn't cute. So, as an end result I had to do some reflecting, be honest with that SHE in the mirror. I had to see things for what they really are, a one way street headed to nowhere. I had to cut my losses while the getting was good or before the getting got too good, so to speak.

Do I still think of HE at times? Yes. Do I still hope sometimes that HE will see the effervescent light and come around? Yes. However, what I'm no longer doing is being the Gigi character from the movie (He's Not That Into You) waiting for HE to call or hoping to run into HE. I'm not sitting amongst other SHEs trying to over analyze why HE did this, why HE didn't do that or the worst, make excuses for things in an attempt to make oneself feel better. I will adapt one thing from the Gigi character, never to give up on finding love.

Pivotal scene from He's Not That Into You:

Alex: Then, wh...why would you do this? [He's upset and rubs his head.] Oh, sh|t. Why do women do this? Why do they build this stuff up in their minds, take each little thing a guy does and, and, and then twist it into something else...? It's insane! 

[He walks away.]  [There's a long silence between them.]

Gigi: I'd rather be like that than be like you.

Alex: [He walks back to talk to her.] Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?

Gigi: [She stands up and turns to face him.] I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there too much but...at least that means I still care. And, oh, you think you've won because women are...are expendable to you? And you may not get...get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way, but you don't fall in love that way, either. You have not won; you're alone, Alex! [She grabs her coat and storms to the door, starting to cry.] I may do a lot of stupid sh|t but I know I'm a lot closer to finding someone than you are. [She leaves briskly leaving Alex alone.]